kelland

Drinking Sprite is like reliving all the times in my life I've stayed home sick. My mom would always immediately hit the road to the store for Sprite. And popsicles and chicken noodle soup and drugs. But she didn't actually try to take care of me. I took care of myself. Even from an early age, I remember getting myself out of bed, giving myself medicine, making myself something to eat, and attempting to pass the time alone. I guess that's what kind of mother you learn to be when your own mother dies when you're three months old. Mothering, like all things, is a learned behavior. And even though it's hard, I forgive her for not being there for me.

Your typical fair diet consists of snow cones and cotton candy and deep-fried candy bars and greasy entrees at insanely high prices. I went to the Harvest Festival tonight to spend some time with friends and I ended up downing a slice of pizza, a lemon shake, an order of fries, and a sopping and fatty funnel cake saturated in powdered sugar. Now, as you can imagine, I feel great. Hopefully I walked some of that off.

This weekend hasn't been favorable so far. My sister came home yesterday and everything seemed fine at first. Jessica and I went to Bluffton with my dad after school to pick her up. She showed us around the campus, and we went for a walk outside and it was very refreshing. Then we all went to my grandparents' and ate dinner and laughed and just had a really good time. After dinner Shannon, Jess, and I went to the movies to see Sky Captain... but when we were driving home, Shannon and I got into an argument. And it was awkward. And this isn't the first time this has happened when Jessica has been around. Then we came home and tried to resolve what was said, but this morning it started all over again. And then once more this afternoon before I left for the Harvest Festival. I don't want to fight with her. I really don't. But at times she can be really difficult. I love her to death and miss her all of the time, so I hate to see the little time we have together spent disagreeing and treating each other like shit. It's petty and small and destructive.

I need to buy things with money I don't have. Like batteries for my digital camera, blank CDs, a new winter coat (that I fell in-love with a few weeks ago), a new messenger bag, and the Head Automatica album. It really sucks not having a job. But when you work at a place like Dairy Crest, it sucks more to have the job.

The weather is cooler here and that makes me so unbelievably happy, you cannot possibly imagine.

I spent a lot of time last fall listening to the albums Sleeping with Ghosts by Placebo, The Origin of Symmetry by Muse, Hatful of Hollow by The Smiths, Meloncholy and the Infinite Sadness by the Smashing Pumpkins, and Dummy by Portishead. I highly recommend you do the same.