For Jessica.
Why do we do the things we do? Enter the room and immediately want to leave. Call and hang up the phone. Pick you up and drop you off. What makes it so easy? We push and pull but still we are struggling to move. I am looking in your eyes -- you are looking away. All I have is all I can give and it never seems to suffice. I don't want to be alone -- don't want to be left alone with the thought of you leaving me alone. Once again. I want people, I want help, I want solace. But more than all or any of that, I want you. Everything made wonderful sense and it was not hard to see the future unfolding for us. Don't leave me unaided, despite what I scream to your face. I want to go to sleep and not wake up; not wake up to face the thought of you and your impending indecision. The ongoing hurt and the ongoing struggle to reason. Youre walking away from something that never had a chance to grow, to change, to improve. Youre running in the other direction. And I no longer have the strength to follow after.
It will be OK, sweetheart.
My back hurts and I'm tired, but I had a fulfilling night. The first fulfilling night in a very, very long time. It is good to know that I have the ability to make people laugh. Smile. Forget that they are hurting inside. Forget that I am hurting inside. I feel like I have done that now for two different people these past two nights.
This entry isn't going to be long. I just felt compelled to write something in the beginning of this to illustrate how fucking MUCH it hurts when someone fucking cuts you out of their life without warning or reason when you need them the most. And then it's the end and that's that and you're suppose to clean up and move along and forget it ever happened. And now I see it happening to someone else and I feel myself reliving it. And I don't want that. We don't want to feel this pain anymore. And I pray every night for it to be taken away. And I am aching, but I am also trying. I am doing the best with what resources I have. I am trying even in the deafening silence and the sickness and the discouragement and the painful ignores. I am regaining some composure. It's necessary. It's expected. No one can be destroyed.
I had seven faces
Thought I knew which one to wear
But I'm sick of spending these lonely nights
Training myself not to care
The subway is a porno
The pavements, they are a mess
I know you've supported me for a long time
Somehow I'm not impressed
- "NYC" by Interpol.
It's up to me now to turn on the bright lights.
Why do we do the things we do? Enter the room and immediately want to leave. Call and hang up the phone. Pick you up and drop you off. What makes it so easy? We push and pull but still we are struggling to move. I am looking in your eyes -- you are looking away. All I have is all I can give and it never seems to suffice. I don't want to be alone -- don't want to be left alone with the thought of you leaving me alone. Once again. I want people, I want help, I want solace. But more than all or any of that, I want you. Everything made wonderful sense and it was not hard to see the future unfolding for us. Don't leave me unaided, despite what I scream to your face. I want to go to sleep and not wake up; not wake up to face the thought of you and your impending indecision. The ongoing hurt and the ongoing struggle to reason. Youre walking away from something that never had a chance to grow, to change, to improve. Youre running in the other direction. And I no longer have the strength to follow after.
It will be OK, sweetheart.
My back hurts and I'm tired, but I had a fulfilling night. The first fulfilling night in a very, very long time. It is good to know that I have the ability to make people laugh. Smile. Forget that they are hurting inside. Forget that I am hurting inside. I feel like I have done that now for two different people these past two nights.
This entry isn't going to be long. I just felt compelled to write something in the beginning of this to illustrate how fucking MUCH it hurts when someone fucking cuts you out of their life without warning or reason when you need them the most. And then it's the end and that's that and you're suppose to clean up and move along and forget it ever happened. And now I see it happening to someone else and I feel myself reliving it. And I don't want that. We don't want to feel this pain anymore. And I pray every night for it to be taken away. And I am aching, but I am also trying. I am doing the best with what resources I have. I am trying even in the deafening silence and the sickness and the discouragement and the painful ignores. I am regaining some composure. It's necessary. It's expected. No one can be destroyed.
I had seven faces
Thought I knew which one to wear
But I'm sick of spending these lonely nights
Training myself not to care
The subway is a porno
The pavements, they are a mess
I know you've supported me for a long time
Somehow I'm not impressed
- "NYC" by Interpol.
It's up to me now to turn on the bright lights.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
is a sweet album
i put some comments to your poem in the poetry group
im getting sick
must sleep
night night
i know your journal entry was for someone else. but it made me feel better too.