Reaching but it's impossible to grasp. I wish you could understand why and how it feels this bad. We no longer make decisions together. You are calling the shots solo. I am sitting and nodding and obeying. I would scream at this point, but I don't have a voice anymore. Please pursue me and then ignore me. Please initiate me and then cease me. And I adjust somewhere along the way. You ask me how I am and don't expect honesty. It wouldn't hurt as much if I just knew a reason. If I just wasn't so damn imperfect. If I wasn't the one left alone when you felt it was time to go. Instead I sit and wait and wonder where I went wrong. Instead I sit and cry to myself because no one's shoulder is available. Instead I sleep in yet another day. I hope you're pleased with your choices and their results and the silence between us. Reaching... but it's impossible... I wanted to believe that we were possible.
Here's an update for those who care to know. I'm in school. I have to pay $50 for activities I am participating in this year due to a school levy not passing. I have to pay $40 for my media class. I have to pay $90 for book fees. I have to pay half, or $120, for my driver's education classes starting in two weeks. My dad is not even trying to look for a job, so these expenses are my own. My sister moved into college Friday morning and that is the last time I saw her. She has called a few times since then. I have hardly worked lately because they keep calling me off, but Saturday I had to work six and half hours and that wasn't fun. I have been sleeping a lot lately. I woke up 45 minutes late for school today. I've been taking a lot of Advil because I've been having a lot of headaches. I take about four a day. I never make my bed anymore because when I come home and there's nothing to do, I resort to sleeping. I miss what it felt like to have people around me to talk to and spend time with. It is weird being the only child in the house. My mom and dad are treating me like a baby because they feel sorry for me. They think I'm sick because I don't eat much at dinner and I skip breakfast and lunch. I just don't feel like eating. I'm not trying to lose weight or anything stupid like that. I come right home after school but I don't like it here. It makes me feel a million things I don't want to feel.
This place is a prison. And these people aren't your friends.
I miss you so much... I can only hope that you miss me too.
Here's an update for those who care to know. I'm in school. I have to pay $50 for activities I am participating in this year due to a school levy not passing. I have to pay $40 for my media class. I have to pay $90 for book fees. I have to pay half, or $120, for my driver's education classes starting in two weeks. My dad is not even trying to look for a job, so these expenses are my own. My sister moved into college Friday morning and that is the last time I saw her. She has called a few times since then. I have hardly worked lately because they keep calling me off, but Saturday I had to work six and half hours and that wasn't fun. I have been sleeping a lot lately. I woke up 45 minutes late for school today. I've been taking a lot of Advil because I've been having a lot of headaches. I take about four a day. I never make my bed anymore because when I come home and there's nothing to do, I resort to sleeping. I miss what it felt like to have people around me to talk to and spend time with. It is weird being the only child in the house. My mom and dad are treating me like a baby because they feel sorry for me. They think I'm sick because I don't eat much at dinner and I skip breakfast and lunch. I just don't feel like eating. I'm not trying to lose weight or anything stupid like that. I come right home after school but I don't like it here. It makes me feel a million things I don't want to feel.
This place is a prison. And these people aren't your friends.
I miss you so much... I can only hope that you miss me too.
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HeHe No i've never heard that before, thanks!
You're adorable.