It kills me to go back and read 90% of what I've written in my journal here. I always think I know best. I think I'm so damn smart. So ahead of the curve.
I know that I'm not. I'm not. I'm just Erica, shrugging my shoulders all the time.
Most of these entries are treacherous to read. Don't go back. Don't read them. You will feel a million different ways. It's unsettling.
Do you realize that I've been writing here for four years? I was a junior in high school when this particular online journal began. Fuck.
It's definitely winter break if I am rummaging around old blog entries, reliving various documented happenings.
I better run run run away before I embarrass myself any further.
Have I always sounded so lame? I sincerely hope not. If you're reading this now, give me a sign. Give me something to chew on. I hope that all the time I've spent writing about my life... tracking down my thoughts and feelings... pin-pointing my "hopes" and "dreams..." well, I hope it hasn't all been a big flippin' waste of everyone's seconds and minutes. Mine included.
How can I live my life without documenting it, though? It seems like an important thing to do. And so, in a way, I am glad that, until recently, I thought that blogging about every damned thing was an important aspect of digesting all of life's changes. Everyone has their coping methods, I guess.
How do we grow?
I know that I'm not. I'm not. I'm just Erica, shrugging my shoulders all the time.
Most of these entries are treacherous to read. Don't go back. Don't read them. You will feel a million different ways. It's unsettling.
Do you realize that I've been writing here for four years? I was a junior in high school when this particular online journal began. Fuck.
It's definitely winter break if I am rummaging around old blog entries, reliving various documented happenings.
I better run run run away before I embarrass myself any further.
Have I always sounded so lame? I sincerely hope not. If you're reading this now, give me a sign. Give me something to chew on. I hope that all the time I've spent writing about my life... tracking down my thoughts and feelings... pin-pointing my "hopes" and "dreams..." well, I hope it hasn't all been a big flippin' waste of everyone's seconds and minutes. Mine included.
How can I live my life without documenting it, though? It seems like an important thing to do. And so, in a way, I am glad that, until recently, I thought that blogging about every damned thing was an important aspect of digesting all of life's changes. Everyone has their coping methods, I guess.
How do we grow?
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
kadium:
Thank you for the kind words. Hope you're enjoying your New Year's Eve and have a wonderful year to follow.
maxwelldemon:
Your right we all record happenings in our lifes in different ways. Your far too hard on yourself. Life is about forgiving yourself and moving on. You need to give yourself more praise because you've come along way. Happy New Years. 