kelland

I am losing my mind at times, it seems. Waste of space. That's what this is. Beware.

I digress. If you stumbled upon this, and you're intrigued, read it. I feel as though I owe explanations. They are past-due. And you are my counterparts, so I care. I consider you someone of importance.

Autumn quarter flew by. Two more weeks and it's back home to the normative relations and mundane past-times of faithful Bucyrus, Ohio. I am looking forward to it... I cannot tell you a lie, dear journal. I miss my family and my pets, as stated previously. I want to see some chums and remind them that I still love them. I need to earn some money.

I have goals for myself. One of them is to utilize my Mac to the fullest extent by doing a complete overhaul of all my photos. Re-tone, re-size, re-organize... re-establish my sense of purpose in this crazy world of gonna-bes. Gonna-be photographers, that is. I'm well aware of how ridiculous this whole thing is. I need to do it for myself and my sanctity. Re-encouragement is nice. I would like that, too.

I am heading off to Columbus later today (it's Friday morning) to see Dan/see Columbus. Carrie, my lucky charm, is coming as well. I need to get away from this place. I think it is messing with my head. I do not grant myself certain things. I am a good sport. I am a good person. I am trying. I think I am losing these inner bullshit battles because of my own overwhelming insecurity, and it comes at no surprise to you, lovely reader, that I blog of such things.

Academically, I have been slacking as of late. Now, of course my idea of slacking is hugely over-exaggerated because I am a perfectionist, and an over-achiever, and an asshole of a college student. I am still doing the vast majority of my schoolwork and going to all classes. But mentally, I am just not there. "Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there; I do not sleep." <-- That was random. It's from some poem I found when I was doing a research project in the seventh grade about Michael Hutchence's death. Anyway.

This is the pinnacle of an on-line blog, complete with choppy disconnect and ridiculous rantage, and normally I wouldn't make it a point to stress that. But it sort of makes me chuckle.

It is not my goal to entertain you, but rather to enlighten you. I hope I am not mistaken. Why do I feel so meaningless? I don't even read into the philosophical blabbage that I am presented with for four hours a week, and even still I am analyzing the meaning of life... well, not just LIFE life. My life. Reminds me of the summertime on this winter's day. Please tell me that I'm not alone in feeling this way at times.

Placebo has produced this vague and confusing blog. Blame Brian Molko and his androgyny.

Here is a picture of Carrie in my dorm room, sitting at my desk along with Max (my Mac). It gives you a pretty clear indication of how distractingly colorful my living environment is, no? Does that have something to do with all of this? Probably not, but I like the picture and I want to show it.



I think I have more to say, but for now... I am going to embrace the beauty in my life and cry and listen to sentimental music and be that person. You are welcome to join if you feel so inclined. Hugs are welcome. Candy is encouraged. Chin up, Sonny Jim. I'm sorry if this didn't provide any answers, but now that I'm evaluating it on a closer level, I'm not sure that was my intent. Thank you for reading, for hanging around, for devoting your time, and please come again.