kelland

My weekends are built on the comfort of solid human bonds.

I do not miss Bucyrus and the phoniness, the stagnancy, the ignorant wanting, the sloppy loose ends, or the dreary days indoors. People have their discrepancies regardless of geographic location, but it's completely and utterly true that Bucyrus seems to be the center of my overall dissatisfaction and discomfort with people in general. I only miss my loved ones. I don't miss those who have made no effort to stay in contact with me. I'm sorry, but it's no longer my priority to keep ties strong solely by myself. You have my phone number, and you are free to dial it anytime. It is not my responsibility to miss you when you obviously don't miss me. Thank you to those who have called or Internet-messaged me since I've in college. I care because you care.

I am happy to remain close to my best friends and my significant other. I know it may sound selfish, but socially, that's all that really matters to me nowadays. I function through little sleep, frequently nutrient-deprived meals, continuously stressful scholastic endeavors, nostalgia, bad dreams, and headaches. I don't have time to feel bad about you not calling me, but I do have time to be grateful for those whom I love.

Another weekend with Dan and Co. in Columbus. This time, I brought my good friend Jill Mapes along for the ride. We went thrift shopping, High Street browsing (mostly just Urban Outfitters), dining, party-hopping (not to party, but purely to be introduced to others), hookah smoking, and board game playing. Of course I lounged... stayed up late and remained in bed even later the following day. Home cooking consisted of a few staple items including pasta, garlic cheese bread, chocolate Teddy Grahams, Cheez-Its, fries, fried eggs, pancakes, soda, Golden Grahams cereal, and Frank's Red Hot sauce. I miss everything when I return home Sunday night to prepare for yet another busy school week.

I've been emotional. I've been having nightmares. I've been thinking a lot about my dad and my old house. I've been feeling strange, outside of myself, and unsure. I attempt to remedy my negative feelings through conversation, but sometimes conversation just isn't enough. Then again, it is autumn, and I tend to wallow and frown for a particularly long duration in this season. It's not so much sadness. I can't really explain.

I will attempt to sum up all of my feelings at the moment with one definitive statement: I feel like a stranger to the person I was only a few months ago.

That's not good, and it's not bad. It just is.