kelland

Is something wrong, she said
Well of course there is
You're still alive, she said
Oh, and do I deserve to be
Is that the question
And if so... if so... who answers...
- Pearl Jam

I have been facing a lot of finalities lately. The conclusion of high school -- the prospect of bigger and better things and a new perspective on all aspects of day-to-day life, the complete removal from stale Bucyrus, Ohio -- all of these ideas once excited me. But now I am beginning to feel bittersweet and melancholic. I am not so much excited anymore... I wish there was more time to do and say and be everything that I want, but there isn't. I suppose I will make the most of what I have left here.

This past Thursday was my school's annual academic recognition assembly. Seniors who, throughout seven semesters of high school, have maintained 3.75 GPAs (or higher) are asked to pick a high school faculty member to speak on their behalf at the assembly. The speaker gives a personal speech about the student, thus honoring the student with well-deserved recognition for their scholastic and personal triumphs. I chose not a high school teacher, but my eighth grade history teacher/volleyball coach/homeroom teacher to speak on my behalf. He was very nervous and felt a little out of place at a high school event (by the way, he is now the assistant principal at the middle school). But his speech was by far the best, and although, naturally, my opinion is slightly biased, other assembly attendees boasted the same. His speech was also longer than the other honorees' speeches. In the speech, he talked about how, from the moment he met me, he knew I was smarter than he. He also commented on my sarcasm. My strength in all of my personal struggles. My kindness in never failing to remember him, to keep in touch, and to visit from time to time. At the end of the speech -- and Shannon, in the audience, was bawling like a baby at this point -- he said that he was most thankful for me because I was, above everything, his friend. That was quite touching, and it was a moment that everyone there felt mutually. He turned to me, said, "God bless you," and gave me a very long and loving embrace. Our local photographer, who visits all the high school events to take pictures and post them on her very shitty makeshift website, was there to capture the moment. Though the quality of the picture is bad, and of course there's that tacky number across the center, I think you can just feel the love in this photograph.

Here, witness the love for yourself, and tell me that doesn't execute a million long, drawn-out awwww's.

Aww. He's the most adorable man ever. My Burkey Boy.

Last night, because I was feeling apathetic, guilty, and overall lousy about my inability to drive out and town and witness the musical endeavors of friends, and because I requested the night off for these reasons and thus had nothing to do in the end, Tegan invited me to her house for some old-fashioned fun. So Sara and Ed picked me up and we drove to Tegan's. We ended up going grocery shopping/jewelry shopping for prom. Sara and I picked up our bridesmaid dresses for Tegan's wedding, and they are lovely. Afterwards, Sara, Ed, and I jumped on Tegan's trampoline and laughed until our intestines ached. We then enjoyed some pizzas that we constructed out of wheat bread, sauce, cheese, peppers, and pepperonis (for them), and held them together using these clampy iron things to cook them over a fire. We also had s'mores and played this fun card game called Apples to Apples. Naturally, Sara and I won. Matt, Tegan's fiance, was very lame at the game, but that initiated much laughter. Altogether, it was fun. Fun fun fun.

Just as an update, so far I have accumulated five scholarships.

I have a million other things to say but I think I will close here with a lyric to be A) elusive, B) reflective, and C) eclectic.

"Everything has chains... absolutely nothing's changed."