Love will strike you down.
There's a ghost in my house. It makes its way into the garish living room. It takes a seat and reclines back to an evening of cheesy sitcoms. And I offer it a beverage and a pillow for its aching back. I have gotten to know this ghost quite well. It tells me of its pains and sorrows. It tells me that it lead a life astray and lived and loved in all the wrong ways. I sit, listening, nodding my head, fingering the remote, fingering the bag of popcorn. It tells me how it became a traitor, and how if I don't learn anything in my life, I learn at least one thing, and that's never to wait around for other people. "I'm sorry, but I have to ask you to leave," it says. And so I do. I leave my own living room and my own sofa and my own remote and my own bag of popcorn. I do so without questioning the ghost but rather trusting its seemingly better judgement. I walk right out the door and sit outside by myself.
I visited Ohio University on Saturday with my friends Tegan and Sara. I liked it. I felt comfortable there. I saw easy access to a feasible future. I haven't felt that secure about anything in a long while.
The new CDs from Depeche Mode, Coheed and Cambria, and Bayside are very good. By the way... I was very saddened when I found out about the recent death of Bayside's drummer. I felt a moral obligation to go out and buy their new CD yesterday... I eyeball it every time I visit Wal*mart, but I can never bring myself to spend any money. I know that probably doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of life and dealing with the loss of a life... but buying it yesterday felt like the right thing to do. And I really like it so far.
Losing a friend is difficult. What's more difficult is seeing that ex-friend befriend all of your current friends. And hearing about that ex-friend every day at the lunch table from all of your current friends. And knowing that everyone loves this person, except for you. And realizing that this ex-friend initiated relationships with all of the people that used to soley be your friends... as soon as the ex-friend terminated their friendship with you. It's difficult to see an ex-friend actually "hanging out" with your current friends. By chance. While you are out and about and doing other things and thinking of other things. Then you see this person and your friends stroll in and it's one more reminder and one more slap in the face. It is like losing that friend all over again. And I hate it more than anything.
Can you catch her if she runs?
I have significantly lowered my expectations of others. So there you go. I'm not expecting an outstanding friendship out of this anymore. I don't expect you to go out of your way. I'm sure it's probably a lot easier this way for the both of us. No one gets disappointed. No one gets hurt. No one feels anything... and God forbid there be an ounce of conflict in a healthy, thriving human relationship. I will let you live your life and I will not disagree. I won't say anything, and you will be happy, and that will be the end of that.
I have so much to say but I cannot, for the life of me, organize my thoughts. So I will end the journal entry here.
There's a ghost in my house. It makes its way into the garish living room. It takes a seat and reclines back to an evening of cheesy sitcoms. And I offer it a beverage and a pillow for its aching back. I have gotten to know this ghost quite well. It tells me of its pains and sorrows. It tells me that it lead a life astray and lived and loved in all the wrong ways. I sit, listening, nodding my head, fingering the remote, fingering the bag of popcorn. It tells me how it became a traitor, and how if I don't learn anything in my life, I learn at least one thing, and that's never to wait around for other people. "I'm sorry, but I have to ask you to leave," it says. And so I do. I leave my own living room and my own sofa and my own remote and my own bag of popcorn. I do so without questioning the ghost but rather trusting its seemingly better judgement. I walk right out the door and sit outside by myself.
I visited Ohio University on Saturday with my friends Tegan and Sara. I liked it. I felt comfortable there. I saw easy access to a feasible future. I haven't felt that secure about anything in a long while.
The new CDs from Depeche Mode, Coheed and Cambria, and Bayside are very good. By the way... I was very saddened when I found out about the recent death of Bayside's drummer. I felt a moral obligation to go out and buy their new CD yesterday... I eyeball it every time I visit Wal*mart, but I can never bring myself to spend any money. I know that probably doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of life and dealing with the loss of a life... but buying it yesterday felt like the right thing to do. And I really like it so far.
Losing a friend is difficult. What's more difficult is seeing that ex-friend befriend all of your current friends. And hearing about that ex-friend every day at the lunch table from all of your current friends. And knowing that everyone loves this person, except for you. And realizing that this ex-friend initiated relationships with all of the people that used to soley be your friends... as soon as the ex-friend terminated their friendship with you. It's difficult to see an ex-friend actually "hanging out" with your current friends. By chance. While you are out and about and doing other things and thinking of other things. Then you see this person and your friends stroll in and it's one more reminder and one more slap in the face. It is like losing that friend all over again. And I hate it more than anything.
Can you catch her if she runs?
I have significantly lowered my expectations of others. So there you go. I'm not expecting an outstanding friendship out of this anymore. I don't expect you to go out of your way. I'm sure it's probably a lot easier this way for the both of us. No one gets disappointed. No one gets hurt. No one feels anything... and God forbid there be an ounce of conflict in a healthy, thriving human relationship. I will let you live your life and I will not disagree. I won't say anything, and you will be happy, and that will be the end of that.
I have so much to say but I cannot, for the life of me, organize my thoughts. So I will end the journal entry here.
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
Your ex-friend sounds like a ghost as well.
[Edited on Nov 09, 2005 6:16PM]
2) Agreed on coheed and cambria ....haven't really heard the other two new cds... but I must say that the new Emery Cd has grown on me and even though I said it wasn't very good at first I now can't get enough of it. The lyrics are really solid and the music grooves really well. go buy it ..even if it doesn't feel like the right thing to do.
3) the words ex and friend and current were used in a way that confused me...
4) Cheer up yo, even tho I haven't really internet talked with you in a while I still think you're really rad and you deserve to be a lot happier than you seem to be based on journal entries.