keith

I fixed the headboard of our bed today. This involved using nails, a hammer, and pliers. Clearly, I am a Man God. *grunt*

Actually, I got a lot of shit done today. Did the laundry, picked up the trash, gathered all the dirty dishes. See, we're trying to quit smoking. I haven't had a cigarette since Saturday morning. Saturday, Sunday, and Monday were mostly spent in bed, and lo, there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Today I feel good, though, and my old nervous energy has returned, which was the whole reason I started smoking in the first place -- so I wouldn't have to spend that energy productively, damnit.

But this cough I developed over the last few months is horrible. When you cough so much every morning that you gag yourself and puke, it's time to make a lifestyle change.

Like an alcoholic, though, the thing that sucks is that it's so tee-total. Once I decide to quit, I can never have even one cigarette ever again, no matter how long it's been. Because "one cigarette" will lead to "one pack" and then to "one carton". Fuck! But I enjoyed it! Maybe someday they'll engineer some tar-free, non-carcinogenic cigarette, I hope, because fuck I loved smoking!

Someone asked me once what the appeal was of smoking. After all, to the unitiated, it tastes bad, it smells bad, and is just generally horrible. Well, first off, I loved the taste and the relaxing action of puffing smoke, but second... it satisfies a craving, and that feels good. Like when you have a craving for chocolate, and then you eat some chocolate. That feeling. Cigarettes give you an artificial craving which you can feel good by satisfying. That's my theory.

Anyway, Day 4, wish me luck.