Wow. I feel like such a lucky girl this year.
First off I am going to start by saying you guys have no clue where I have been the past 6 or 7 months. Yes I've said I've been busy with work and yes I have. Also I've said my laptop was down and that is also true. While I was busy.. being busy with work and disconnected the the world wide web.. I fell into quite a depression. Now, I have always been against drugging myself to be sane or to cure "illnesses" like that. But it was so bad, I thought about suicide often and I was just in a major rut. I was coming home from work sad and depressed everyday. I was crying myself to sleep every night. And those who know me closely know that I am not much of a crier. I didn't know what to do that I finally turned to my doctor and started antidepressants. I took them for about a month before they made me so much worse. The dr. did say we would need to find the right combination and what not, that it takes time before you settle into something that will actually show some improvement. Of course, not everyone is the same. I was willing to try it, but after losing about 20 lbs from being depressed (and I only weighed 110 to begin) and thinking of suicide almost nightly. I was over it. I quit the drugs and no joke, once I quit them it was like I felt fresh all over again. Its amazing how I needed to fall off for a bit and almost hit rock bottom before I started feeling good again.
This brings me to apologizing to any of my friends I have neglected, I didn't mean to, I promise. Because while I was feeling like that, I seriously felt like I had no one to turn to. I was lying to myself. My friends started contacting me and I them. I've been making more of an effort to be with friends and family.
This also beings me to say my friends are amazing. I've taken some for granted and I never will again.
I'll never take Mike for granted either. That man has been so amazing to me, and I hope he reads this and sees how much I love him and I know he's not going anywhere.
This brings me to asking WHO THE HELL GOT ME THIS?!?!?
First off I am going to start by saying you guys have no clue where I have been the past 6 or 7 months. Yes I've said I've been busy with work and yes I have. Also I've said my laptop was down and that is also true. While I was busy.. being busy with work and disconnected the the world wide web.. I fell into quite a depression. Now, I have always been against drugging myself to be sane or to cure "illnesses" like that. But it was so bad, I thought about suicide often and I was just in a major rut. I was coming home from work sad and depressed everyday. I was crying myself to sleep every night. And those who know me closely know that I am not much of a crier. I didn't know what to do that I finally turned to my doctor and started antidepressants. I took them for about a month before they made me so much worse. The dr. did say we would need to find the right combination and what not, that it takes time before you settle into something that will actually show some improvement. Of course, not everyone is the same. I was willing to try it, but after losing about 20 lbs from being depressed (and I only weighed 110 to begin) and thinking of suicide almost nightly. I was over it. I quit the drugs and no joke, once I quit them it was like I felt fresh all over again. Its amazing how I needed to fall off for a bit and almost hit rock bottom before I started feeling good again.
This brings me to apologizing to any of my friends I have neglected, I didn't mean to, I promise. Because while I was feeling like that, I seriously felt like I had no one to turn to. I was lying to myself. My friends started contacting me and I them. I've been making more of an effort to be with friends and family.
This also beings me to say my friends are amazing. I've taken some for granted and I never will again.
I'll never take Mike for granted either. That man has been so amazing to me, and I hope he reads this and sees how much I love him and I know he's not going anywhere.
This brings me to asking WHO THE HELL GOT ME THIS?!?!?
When we got home from work today there was a package on our porch. I thought it was something else I had bought for myself for my birthday, and was totally thrown off when I saw the Nikon box inside. While I am VERY happy at this wonderful surprise.. it is bothering me so much it was sent anonymously! There's no name and no card!
Either someone loves me, or I shop online in my sleep. I already double checked my account to make sure I dont do that, so SOMEONE must love me! And I think YOU are awesome.
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And holy shit! I wish someone would anonymously love me that much! Holy shit!