it's just a long vent, and I want it totally public someplace so.. meh.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
I'm sitting here in tears... fun eh.
it's wonderful to know that ou are so low on someone list of friends.. that if you give them 6 weeks notice.. that they can't put aside a $20 bill to hang out with you... They can go to a half dozen concerts with their important friends, but to do something with me (the person on the low end of the list) is too much work.
It's not like this ment alot to me.. it's not like it's was until the last week the only thing that I was looking forward to. The only thing keeping me from just breaking down and falling apart at the pile of shit that my life is ... so much for forgiveness... apprently if I don't smoke pot or want in her pants or go to rock concerts regularly I'm not worth $20. I feel really loved right now, this nearly ruined my day with Maya, as totally ruined my weekend with her. And erased the wonderful happiness I got from spending a day with here weeks ago.
I'm tring not to be bitter but I'm really hurt.. I don't get to spend alot of time with Sue, because I'm not part of her Cliche at Red Square, so I'm mostly on my own, and I'm not a fan of concerts so I don't see her there.. and right now she's all smokes and pot... and I hate that and more then that she's all but stoped walking with me at all. Even if I'm willing to rearange my schedule to get a chance to spend some time with her..
But that is the point.. I couldn't just say to her.. lets go to TO next weekend for some Pagan shopping because her schedule is usually so busy with her Cliche. So I tried to go out of my way to give lots of notice, and planing time. When she wants to hang out.. it's wanna watch a movie at my place... and it's always last minute. and I usually will drop everything to do that. dispite the fact I'd much rather just take a walk much of the time, but not all. When I offer... I go outta my way to rearrange my whole schedule for her, because it's often what I have to do inorder to hang out with her.
Great example last year she wanted to look for a job in the falls, and was going to go on her own... but I got my schedule worked out so I could do that with her.. and my other stuff later.
the rest of the time I only get to hang out with her because she needs someone to listen and comfort her.
Like I say if that was my station, like it is with other girls, Shannon comes to mind, I'd be fine with it.. it's this claim of her that we are friends.. yet I see nothing of her unless she is hurting.. then it's walks, and 2 am random hugs. But make plans to hang out as friends and have fun.. that takes a back seat to concerts, hell I even added a concert to the day to try to make it more worth while to her.. the fashion so is for me.. and I'd most likely enjoy the concert too. I feel like I'm constantly tring to find ways to hang out with her.. but she just dosen't want to..
And lately everytime she opens her mouth she makes me feel like total and complete shit, she is totally clueless that telling me of all people that no one has ever made her feel good or whatever... after I spent 6 weeks, laying with her, walking with her, not sleeping with her snoring, and doing little things all the time for her didn't have any effect all... just makes the fact that I was basicly tossed aside by her worse.. I always was able to say at least I made her smile and feel good about her self a little bit... but ya way to stick that knife back in. The stupidist thing, is she isn't being malicious in anyway about it.. and I feel guilty for being so bad.. She does really shitty things to people totally oblviously
it's wonderful to know that ou are so low on someone list of friends.. that if you give them 6 weeks notice.. that they can't put aside a $20 bill to hang out with you... They can go to a half dozen concerts with their important friends, but to do something with me (the person on the low end of the list) is too much work.
It's not like this ment alot to me.. it's not like it's was until the last week the only thing that I was looking forward to. The only thing keeping me from just breaking down and falling apart at the pile of shit that my life is ... so much for forgiveness... apprently if I don't smoke pot or want in her pants or go to rock concerts regularly I'm not worth $20. I feel really loved right now, this nearly ruined my day with Maya, as totally ruined my weekend with her. And erased the wonderful happiness I got from spending a day with here weeks ago.
I'm tring not to be bitter but I'm really hurt.. I don't get to spend alot of time with Sue, because I'm not part of her Cliche at Red Square, so I'm mostly on my own, and I'm not a fan of concerts so I don't see her there.. and right now she's all smokes and pot... and I hate that and more then that she's all but stoped walking with me at all. Even if I'm willing to rearange my schedule to get a chance to spend some time with her..
But that is the point.. I couldn't just say to her.. lets go to TO next weekend for some Pagan shopping because her schedule is usually so busy with her Cliche. So I tried to go out of my way to give lots of notice, and planing time. When she wants to hang out.. it's wanna watch a movie at my place... and it's always last minute. and I usually will drop everything to do that. dispite the fact I'd much rather just take a walk much of the time, but not all. When I offer... I go outta my way to rearrange my whole schedule for her, because it's often what I have to do inorder to hang out with her.
Great example last year she wanted to look for a job in the falls, and was going to go on her own... but I got my schedule worked out so I could do that with her.. and my other stuff later.
the rest of the time I only get to hang out with her because she needs someone to listen and comfort her.
Like I say if that was my station, like it is with other girls, Shannon comes to mind, I'd be fine with it.. it's this claim of her that we are friends.. yet I see nothing of her unless she is hurting.. then it's walks, and 2 am random hugs. But make plans to hang out as friends and have fun.. that takes a back seat to concerts, hell I even added a concert to the day to try to make it more worth while to her.. the fashion so is for me.. and I'd most likely enjoy the concert too. I feel like I'm constantly tring to find ways to hang out with her.. but she just dosen't want to..
And lately everytime she opens her mouth she makes me feel like total and complete shit, she is totally clueless that telling me of all people that no one has ever made her feel good or whatever... after I spent 6 weeks, laying with her, walking with her, not sleeping with her snoring, and doing little things all the time for her didn't have any effect all... just makes the fact that I was basicly tossed aside by her worse.. I always was able to say at least I made her smile and feel good about her self a little bit... but ya way to stick that knife back in. The stupidist thing, is she isn't being malicious in anyway about it.. and I feel guilty for being so bad.. She does really shitty things to people totally oblviously