kayna

i can't wait to go travelling again. All I fucking think about is getting the fuck out of here. i've got to save up some money this time, though. i can't travel around homeless & broke anymore.. that shit just about killed me. somehow its the best thing in the world when you're 18, but after a few years it occurs to you that you're only being entirely selfish, living off other peoples' kindnesses and never giving anything back to the world, which you feel entirely fine about and even priveledged to do because the rest of the world sucks, right? so fuck them? yeah. i'm tired of that lifestyle. and when you realize what a bullshit philosophy it is to live like that, you realize that everyone you were hanging around with were all selfish assholes too that would probably sell you out for a hot piece of ass or shot of dope even though they might be the closest thing to a best friend you have in your life.. anyway, fuck all the "12-step" bullshit and all that, but i have been trying to make as many amends for that period of my life as i can. including apologizing to all the people who i blatently used or took advantage of. which, unfortunately, includes several of you out there in SG Land. So, I guess this is a really round-a-bout apology to you guys. you know who you are.

but, yeah. travelling again. well.. one day, i hope. i know i can't do anything for a while right now. having the willpower not to just give up and run away again is the hardest thing i've ever had to do. which is why i have to do it. hopefully at the end, i'll be a better person.