I really just don't know what is wrong. I am desperately tired of being single and yet for some reason every single time I start to get close to a guy, I begin pushing him away, for one reason or another. And it kills me that all the guys that I have liked for a continuous amount of time don't fucking like me, or they only like fucking me. No one seems to think it's that big of a deal, because "I'm still so young". But to me it is a serious problem when I'm 17 years old and the only guys that talk to me have either already fucked me or have heard I'm pretty good in bed, and want to find out. But then once I do fuck them there's nothing left of me for them to want. I know that, I know it damned well, but it doesn't make me stop, it barely makes me feel bad about sleeping with them.
It's not like I have never been in love, and I don't know what I'm missing. No, I've been there, and I know how good it feels to know that someone cares about you. And that all they want and need is you. But I also know how it feels to watch the one that is all you want and need walk out on you. And not care a bit to do it. And I do know how it feels to cry for someone, and still be happy that even though you know they aren't with you, that they're happy.
But is it so wrong for me to get to be happy too?
I just feel so unnecessary.
It's not like I have never been in love, and I don't know what I'm missing. No, I've been there, and I know how good it feels to know that someone cares about you. And that all they want and need is you. But I also know how it feels to watch the one that is all you want and need walk out on you. And not care a bit to do it. And I do know how it feels to cry for someone, and still be happy that even though you know they aren't with you, that they're happy.
But is it so wrong for me to get to be happy too?
I just feel so unnecessary.
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And no offense but what some people were telling you about not worrying about it because you're so young and have so much time is sort of true to at least some degree.
Start with worrying about getting things in your own life as good as you can, dealing with the issues that keep you pushing these guys away, etc. and then when you do find the right guy you'll hopefully be able to make something lasting (if that's your wish).
I've found that many times in life the best people come along when we're least expecting it so just try and relax, don't stress, and for fuck's sake don't seem desperate, nothing in this world is more of a turn off than seeming/being deperate, lol