kayla_

I wrote this a long time ago, it's not very appropriate but....who gives a fuck.

While you were gone, and you were still under the impression I was wonderful, I was in your kitchen, rubbing my vagina on your silverware. Or your silverware on my vagina. Guess it depends how you look at it.
I opened your refridgerator and I spit in your milk, half drank bottle of coca cola, and your mayonnaise.
I rubbed my sweaty armpits on your favorite shirts. I replaced all the lightbulbs in your place with a slightly lower wattage. Just a small enough difference that you won't notice, big enough that you may go blind. I delete some important files from your computer. I take a key out of my pocket and scratch one or two of your favorite CD's. I tear little holes in the pockets of your jeans. I use your toilet and scrub it with your toothbrush. I don't want you to eat shit, I want you to scrub your fucking gums with it. Spit!
You'll come home and find me gone. But other than that, nothing will seem out of place. Everything is ok.

Hi. Thanks for calling my conscience. I'm unavailable to take your call right now. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message as to why I should give a shit and I will do my best to call you back as soon as I am convinced.