kav

So, this one time when I was sixteen, I fell in love with this girl named Ashley. She was my very first "real" love. The infatuation was insurmountable; she played guitar, dyed her hair fire engine red and had a sexy thick body. HUGE green eyes. She was incredibly smart, driven, talented, and hilarious (my weak spot). I loved everything about her.

Before you stop reading, this isn't some tragic puppy love-gone-wrong story, I swear. Well, kind of. But that's not the point of the story, anyhow.

What I loved about her the most, though, was she and I shared the same unshakable sense of not belonging. And, no, it wasn't because we had neon colored hair or wore mini skirts to 10th grade math class just to piss off Mr. Uptight McGeometryTeacher. It's because we both were uprooted from our homes (I from the Twin Cities, MN and her from Atlanta, Georgia) and made to live in this shithole of a town.

We once had a conversation that went like this.

Ashley: "I hate it here."

Kav: "Yeah, me too."

Silence.

"We should just run away."

"Haha, yeah, that'd be great."

"No, I'm serious."

"What?"

"Yeah. I get my driver's license in a month. The car I got is in my name and everything. We could totally do it."

"Ash, you're crazy."

"No, really. We'd live in Minneapolis for six months and then Atlanta for six months. And we'd just do that for forever. You'd see how beautiful my home is, and then I'd get to see yours. You talk about it all the time. And, once we're gone, we'll get jobs and legally emancipate ourselves. We'd be together, out of Michigan, and happy. And have a car."

"That sounds so awesome and romantic."

"Doesn't it? Think about it."

Well, I did think about it, and luckily I didn't run away with her. She ended up being physically and verbally abusive, so I left her for someone else a year and a half later.

But that conversation always stuck with me. I want to run away. I hate this town, the people in it, how fucking boring it is, how the gay community made me an outcast when I got serious with my boyfriend, the old and terrible memories, everything. Nothing in this town inspires my art. Nothing in my life feels satisfactory or like it's going anywhere.

So, as it turns out, I'm making plans. I'm going to run away. I'm going home.
Once I get my shit together, this place can consider me gone.
My goal is to make it out after Xmas.
I won't have a future here; at home, I see everything falling into place.
I can feel it.

And, even though she and I had our differences, I hope Ashley makes it home again someday, too.

Love y'all.

xoxo

Kavvykins