katieokiedokie

Sometimes I wish I could escape this place!! I have never really liked living out to begin with.. but somedays are really worse then others. Today was one of those.. I keep telling myself someday I won't have to deal with this shit anymore.. but someday never seems to come. I need a vacation.. someplace far away.. where NO one can reach me.. and get ahold of me..and I sit quietly on the beach by myself.. or with _ireland_ that would be cool too.. cause I know I can talk to her..and she'll listen to me and give me more feed back then just "yeah" or "ok" sometimes I feel like just saying "ok" brushes things off..and it kinda of makes me feel a little stupid.. I know crazy! But it does.

I would like to have someone to talk to.. who'll listen to me.. and let me vent and make me feel comfort and security.. and I really don't have that.. not at all.. and it sucks more then anything.. I would love to have a girl to do things with, and spend time with..and to talk too.. but I don't. Sometimes I read the journals of spacelola, ladybug, and timber_ and I get a little bit jealous.. because they seem to have tons of girlness fun.. and they have those bonds..that I just don't. I'm not girly at all..but to have someone who'll listen.. and I feel is actually listening..and feeling my either happiness, or hurt, or anger.. I don't have that ! I want that.. I long for it! It hurts! I try talking to people.. but I always feel like it's brushed off..and thrown to the side..and then the topic is changed.. why do they just not listen to me.. or just give me some input?? Am I not important?? Does my hurt, and feelings mean nothing? Cause I'm starting to feel that way.

Ok enough of my emo blog.. Im going to bed

when am I going to learn that I should give what I recieve?