Wednesday Oct 17, 2007

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So.. here are some e-mails I have gotten from my friend.. I guess I now know where I stand..


In a message dated 10/17/2007 1:25:05 AM Eastern Daylight Time, hinderoccult@hotmail.com writes:

Katie,
Why are you not online? I need to talk to you? I really think we can work through this, and come to an agreement. I mean does the sex really have to stop? Can't you just get over and pass those feelings? I mean we did agree to haveing sex, being fuck buddies you knew that from the start. Just think about it. I don't want to stop having sex with you

Jeremy
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From: Cfanderson25@aol.com
Date: Wed, 17 Oct 2007 9:03:45 -0400
Subject: Re: Lets talk
To: hinderoccult@hotmail.com


I wasn't online because it's 1:30 in the morning!! I was in bed!

I'm not sure we can work through this, I don't want just sex, I want something more, so yes the sex does have to stop cause I can't have sex with you, without emotions being attached. NO I cannot get over the feelings either I don't have a magic button in my heart that I can turn on and off when I feel like it. I know we talked about being only fuck buddies but things change, I spent time with you, I like being with you and around you make made me happy. I do see now that I did not have the same affect on you as you did me. I don't know why? You seemed interested?

Kate
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In a message dated 10/17/2007 10:30 :50 AM Eastern Daylight Time, hinderoccult@hotmail.com writes:

Lets get one thing clear I WASN'T INTERESTED! I wanted sex and that's it. That's what I thought you wanted too. I never even implied any different which is why I don't understand why or how you could have feelings for me. I don't like you that way. I never have and I never will. It's just not going to happen EVER! If you want to have sex, and that's it I'm the man, but if you want something more don't expect it from me. I can move on and find someone else to fuck if you would like me to, I don't have to have sex with you, I like having sex with you. You are fun and you have the nicest set of tits I've ever seen. If I miss anything it will be those, it would be nice to send me those pictures we took too! I'm not interested in you that way. So what's it going to be?

Jeremy
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From: Cfanderson25@aol.com
Date: Wed, 17 Oct 2007 11:43:36 -0400
Subject: Re: Lets talk
To: hinderoccult@hotmail.com


Well then I guess there is nothing else for us to talk about. If that is how you feel then I think it's better that I just move on, and try to find someone else who'll treat me right, and respect me, and want to be with me! You are not him. You have made that clear. No you may not have the pictures we took yesterday!
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This is the last one from Jeremy..I didn't write him back..I figure what's the point??
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That's your choice I'll find someone else then. Like I said I don't need you. I don't want to sound mean but do you really think that you'll find someone whose going to love you, care for you, respect you, and want to be with you looking like you do? You are not very pretty, and you need to lose some weight. Maybe if you would lose some weight I would have considered going out with you, your face isn't that bad looking.



I really hate being treated this way..which is why I didn't write him back.. why continue.. ?? Right? I also get sick of hearing guys tell me that my face isn't really that bad looking?? That hurts guys.. just for you to know

and for those who don't know what I"m talking about.. this is what happened yesterday

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

So today was a rainy, dreary calming day.. just perfect for laying in bed..and cuddling, and having amazing sex..and that's exactly what I did!! It was great! It's been awhile too.. and well overdo! I actually had a day to myself to have my friend over for some awesome one on one time! Usually my mom comes with my nephew..but today.. she didn't come..and I took advantage of that.. and it was really nice!! The sex was sooo good..but so was the cuddleing, and just being held..something that I really seem to need now days.. to just be held! I think I only got out of bed a few times.. most of it was in bed..and I loved it!! There's only one problem.. closes = emotions = hurt feelings, and pain..and really I don't need anymore of that! But believe me.. I have! I've wanted to do so much more with my friend..then just having sex (and todays was amazing.. I really can't describe it) I've tried to get him to do things, go out and he just won't, he refuses..the past two Friday's I've begged him to do things with me, to go out and have fun. I mean I am starting to feel like he only wants one thing from me.. yet during and afterwards..it seems so close, so personal, so sweet, so perfect and I honestly think I could do this with him for the rest of my life! So I asked him about this weekend.. thinking that maybe just maybe he'll fold.. NOPE!! It actually kinda of upset him. I mean he's sitting there holding me.. playing with my hair, looking into my eyes and says "Why do you always wanna do stuff anyways? We're only having sex" ? And it's like the breath was sucked right out of! I had to hold back tears..cause in my heart I'm screaming "I want MORE" and his actions, and behaviors, and even the sex has been much different..espeically todays! So I told him how I felt.. and that I would like to be more, and I'd like to spend time with him, and see where it could go. And he basically told me NO! Right now isn't the right time for that..and he's not looking for anything serious, just someone to have sex with basically, and you know I knew that .. and it's true..I did know that. However things has changed so much between us since we first started to have sex with each other ( a year ago) I'm only having sex with him, and he's only having sex with me. He now holds me, and snuggles, and just does things I associate with passion, and love..and I guess that's where I misread him. I allowed myself to open up to the idea, and thought that I could be with him and that's not the deal. He's not into me that way.. basically. So yeah.. it started out good..and ended bad! I just kinda rolled over and cried cause what else was I suppose to do..I was hurting..I just had my heart broke.. AGAIN!! and I'm really tired of it! I guess I just don't understand..his actions were so much different then how he felt.. and it really DIDN'T show!! So yeah.. I guess that's another hope bursted. I keep being told..there is someone whose going to love you, and see you for the beautiful person you are.. and you know I know this.. but I guess I want it now.. I want it with him! And it's not going to happen! And it hurts. frown I just want someone to hold me, and to be with me, and want to be with me. I want someone to put his arms around me..and have that security that I don't have go at it alone! He's here.. I long for it.. and I thought I had found it.. frown I hate feeling this way. I guess I should be use to it..but I'm not!




VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
heatdude:
Fuck buddies=heartache sorry about your situation.... frown
rabbiofrock:
funny thing is, that is our shitty studio. MUCH better view, but the studio itself sucks ass. Yesterday was the first time that studio. I usually broadcast out of our Savannah studios which are nicer, but my window is to the parking lot of the Japanese restaurant next to us, so that is a bummer... AND, the studio here (savannah) has a wood door and its behind me and I can see if anyone is trying to get in. The Hilton Head studios has a glass paned door.... much better!
But, i love this studio!

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