katiekat

So last weekend we drove from FL to IL and back, it sucked. Yes it was good to see the whole family but it was heartbreaking to be there for such reasons. They decided it would be better if we all came before Chase got really sick, he's 2 yrs old and such a happy boy! To look at him you would never know all the things wrong with him. They are talking to specialists in FL and CO about putting him back on the heart/lung transplant list, we'll see where that goes. By the end of the day, when he was getting tired he started turning blue, his lips, his fingertips, around his nose and eyes. Even though we were all in short sleeves and comfortable he was in long sleeves and a jacket the whole time b/c he can't maintain body temp. This visit was so much harder than any other, funerals aren't this difficult. At least at funerals you're celebrating the life that was lived, Chaser is just so young, there doesn't seem to be enough to celebrate, it felt like we were under a cloud the whole time. The drive home was horrendous. It took us 13 hrs to get there, 18 to get home, 2 am when we got home and I had to be up for work at 5:30. To top off the fun my allergies kicked it into high gear and now I have a sinus infection. I worked the first half of Monday and that's it this week. I go back tomorrow but I don't really want to. My job has become a means to an end. It pays the bills and keeps my kid insured. I take no personal satisfaction from it at all anymore. So that's it! That's where I've been recently and where I am now. And right this minute I feel the need to hold my daughter close so that's what I'm going to go do.