katfireblade

So we arrive at 4 pm. People change clothes, mill, help out here and there, plot, plan, and otherwise feel all tingly with nerves and otherwise useless. People did makeup, gossiped, skated, and fought back butterflies as the doors opened and people poured in.

In the end we had over eight hundred people attend our event, and that wasnt even the final count, and only included sales at the door. It didnt include free tickets, guest or advertiser lists, people who bought tickets previous to the bout, or wee ones who got in free. It certasinly didnt include those of us involved, or the family members we dragged with us. The people lined up out the door and around the block, just to get in.

Yeah, "intimidation" was several miles back.

But hells, we're big tough rollergirls, we can handle it.

We played. We smelled popcorn and heard the roar of a considerable crowd. We signed autographs. I signed autographs. ME!!! People looked at me the way some fan look at movie stars, and I looked at them thinking "but you can do this too, just try." I didnt say it, I practiced signing my name instead. Hex Kitten. I have another name to add to my collection. A good name, somehow strong and sassy and unexpectedly wonderful. I got out there in my skates that need replaced, with their damned riveted trucks coming loose, with some of the leather seperating, with one bad bearing and wheels that probably need replaced...and I did GOOD. So good girls from other teams--girls from our league, we are all one league first and teams second--complimented me on how far I'd come. That was better than signing any autographs.

I'm still not satisfied. I'm still not good enough.
But I'm getting there.

I dont know how to apture it on paper, though its all in my head. Wind in your hair, rolling around the track with so many eyes watching and just not caring. I was at practice again, I let the faces blurinto ambiguity. I had too, its was either that or panic, and I have no desire to panic. Towards the end I truly doubted our ability to pull it off. Despite my former certainty, I prayed for every point. I skated like demons were on my tail. I slammed Big Red--one of our powerhouses--off the field at one point, allowing our girl to take the lead. I kept my feet, not once, but many times when slammed.

At an earlier point a girl slammed into me, and I was trying to take the lead. She slammed me good, and I stayed on my feet, stayed in bounds, and took the lead. My reward was the gasp and cheer of the crowd. They couldnt believe I did that. I couldnt believe I did that. It must have looked killer, like I had skill and guts. It was some skill, I must be finding my balance somehow. Me, who still trips over her own feet to this fuckin day. But I wondered at that point, just briefly as I kicked myself off to skate like a madman how many incredible plays we recall for years to come are simply a little bit of skill and a whole lot of dumb blind luck?

But no, even being self depriciating, I have to say, I did good.
I dont say that often. Fuck the win, I'm just happy I played as well as I did, that was my real victory!

I am so proud of every derby girl that got out there, and every single one that didnt or couldnt who were such good sports anyway, doing all they could and supporting their teams. I am incredibly proud of Tanya, and happy to see her dream come to fruition, andon her birthday at that. A day of birthin more thanone way, I'd guess. It wasnt winning that made me happiest, it was the compliments from my peers. It was the handshakes and good sportsmanship all around, winners and losers alike. It was all th hard work and pitching in that was done, the feeling that we had come through the worst of it, and come out all winners just because we had put this whole affair together as a League, and that was stronger than any one team. This isnt what I had come to expect from sports, but tht was how it was here.

Damn we are a group of major kick-ass bitches!!