I had the most not-fun dream last night. I dreamed there was this older, rock starish dude that I was talking and interacting with. He had me quite charmed by him. But as I lay on the bed, he turned and started to...I dont know. I could feel his fingers not so much chokin me as pressing down on the main arteries in my neck, completely closing off the circulation.
And the thing is I was under, like almost drugged sort of under. At first I didnt notice, and when I did it was because part of my body started feeling tingly and dead, and only then did it hit me what he was doing. the problem was, I was so far under at first I didnt want to offer resistance because it was too much work and I just couldnt move. Finally I realized he wasnt going to stop and shook my head, dislodging his fingers, but as soon as I stopped moving, the pressure started again, just as before.
This went on for a few tries and I couldnt do anything but shake my head and then, finally, I started to form words. "I forgot you wanted to hurt me, you were such anice guy," or something like that, a bit more punch, words meant to smack him down in shame--dont know why I thought that would work, really. But forming the words helped. It took three tries for me to even begin to form the words, and even then they came out as a halting whisper, I could barely talk for what he was doing.
But as I talked I began to realize I was asleep and dreaming, and started to pull myself out of it, still trying to complete that goddamned sentence. Also somewhere in forming the words I found strength enough to move my hand between his fingers and my neck. Finally, after an eternity, I came awake, completeing the sentance to an empty room, still able to feel the pressure of where his fingers had been on my neck.
I slept with the lights on the rest of the night, the stereo a little too loud, and cleansing incense burning. Dream or not, today I feel like I was run over with a steamroller, and last night I could still feel those fingers on my neck while my heart pounded like a drum. It was very real.
And the thing is I was under, like almost drugged sort of under. At first I didnt notice, and when I did it was because part of my body started feeling tingly and dead, and only then did it hit me what he was doing. the problem was, I was so far under at first I didnt want to offer resistance because it was too much work and I just couldnt move. Finally I realized he wasnt going to stop and shook my head, dislodging his fingers, but as soon as I stopped moving, the pressure started again, just as before.
This went on for a few tries and I couldnt do anything but shake my head and then, finally, I started to form words. "I forgot you wanted to hurt me, you were such anice guy," or something like that, a bit more punch, words meant to smack him down in shame--dont know why I thought that would work, really. But forming the words helped. It took three tries for me to even begin to form the words, and even then they came out as a halting whisper, I could barely talk for what he was doing.
But as I talked I began to realize I was asleep and dreaming, and started to pull myself out of it, still trying to complete that goddamned sentence. Also somewhere in forming the words I found strength enough to move my hand between his fingers and my neck. Finally, after an eternity, I came awake, completeing the sentance to an empty room, still able to feel the pressure of where his fingers had been on my neck.
I slept with the lights on the rest of the night, the stereo a little too loud, and cleansing incense burning. Dream or not, today I feel like I was run over with a steamroller, and last night I could still feel those fingers on my neck while my heart pounded like a drum. It was very real.