So I want to talk to you all about something.
Since my last escapade with men, I have one again turned back to reading. It seems to be the one thing that can mend my heart and this time, I'm honestly worried. Not for me or my mental well being or anything like that, but because I am so desperately afraid that my current favorite author will kill off my favorite character.
Now, I know you're wondering who my current favorite author is... It's Charlaine Harris.
And if any of you know me, you can probably guess who my favorite character is... it's Eric Northman.
I just finished the 8th book in the series entitled, "From Dead to Worse" and let me tell you that this book made me cry twice. In the SAME FUCKING DAY! First I was worried that she was going to kill off Eric when he encountered the other vampires from the state of Nevada. But, thankfully he did not die. I bought the 9th book in the series, which is still in hardback since it came out this month, and Eric is on the cover. I saw and bought this before I finished the 8th book, so I was relieved to see Eric on the front cover.
When I was worried about him dying, I was reading while at work. It was a slow day, so I sat in the corner and read for a while. Then exploded into a mood of panic and fright and sadness and tears soon began to prick the corners of my eyes and I was crying. At work, over a fictional character. Now, I know this seems very stupid, but right now, Eric is keeping me sane.
All the time I get shit on by men, one after the other after the other, and though I know that this man is purely fantasy, he's been helping me mentally and emotionally. It sounds stupid, but what else do I have to turn to? It makes me sad, very very very sad that men like Eric do not exist. I mean granted, I'm not as awesome or gifted or as attractive as Sookie (the main character of the series), but I hope one day I can find my Eric.
It makes me really sad that I'm not magical and can't bring him to life to keep for myself.
It makes me sad to think that there will never be an Eric Northman out there for me to have and to hold. It's been weighing on my mind a lot that I most likely won't find anyone suitable for me anytime soon, now I'm not saying it won't ever happen, but it definitely isn't going to happen any time soon. I'm so full of anger, and bitterness, and sadness that no one would ever find me attractive currently. My heart has been broken for some time now, and I've known this but continued to plow on with my life, just slapping on more duct tape wit every new abrasion set against it. I'm tired of doing that. I need to fix it for good this time, allow it to heal naturally. And in the meantime, I'm going to keep reading about Sookie, and wishing I was her every time she is around Eric.
So go ahead and tell me how fucking pathetic that all is.
Since my last escapade with men, I have one again turned back to reading. It seems to be the one thing that can mend my heart and this time, I'm honestly worried. Not for me or my mental well being or anything like that, but because I am so desperately afraid that my current favorite author will kill off my favorite character.
Now, I know you're wondering who my current favorite author is... It's Charlaine Harris.
And if any of you know me, you can probably guess who my favorite character is... it's Eric Northman.
I just finished the 8th book in the series entitled, "From Dead to Worse" and let me tell you that this book made me cry twice. In the SAME FUCKING DAY! First I was worried that she was going to kill off Eric when he encountered the other vampires from the state of Nevada. But, thankfully he did not die. I bought the 9th book in the series, which is still in hardback since it came out this month, and Eric is on the cover. I saw and bought this before I finished the 8th book, so I was relieved to see Eric on the front cover.
When I was worried about him dying, I was reading while at work. It was a slow day, so I sat in the corner and read for a while. Then exploded into a mood of panic and fright and sadness and tears soon began to prick the corners of my eyes and I was crying. At work, over a fictional character. Now, I know this seems very stupid, but right now, Eric is keeping me sane.
All the time I get shit on by men, one after the other after the other, and though I know that this man is purely fantasy, he's been helping me mentally and emotionally. It sounds stupid, but what else do I have to turn to? It makes me sad, very very very sad that men like Eric do not exist. I mean granted, I'm not as awesome or gifted or as attractive as Sookie (the main character of the series), but I hope one day I can find my Eric.
It makes me really sad that I'm not magical and can't bring him to life to keep for myself.
It makes me sad to think that there will never be an Eric Northman out there for me to have and to hold. It's been weighing on my mind a lot that I most likely won't find anyone suitable for me anytime soon, now I'm not saying it won't ever happen, but it definitely isn't going to happen any time soon. I'm so full of anger, and bitterness, and sadness that no one would ever find me attractive currently. My heart has been broken for some time now, and I've known this but continued to plow on with my life, just slapping on more duct tape wit every new abrasion set against it. I'm tired of doing that. I need to fix it for good this time, allow it to heal naturally. And in the meantime, I'm going to keep reading about Sookie, and wishing I was her every time she is around Eric.
So go ahead and tell me how fucking pathetic that all is.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
artemiswerewolf:
Empathizing with a character isn't lame. It shows you have a well of positive feelings building up for some lucky guy.
jekyllandhyde:
Shit, I do the same thing all the time. And I work in a damn bookstore, and I'm an aspiring writer -- none of that helps.