I wish I could be someone else.
I'm so unhappy. I'm bitchy because of my issues. Two people have told me I'm uptight, Greggy and Zeus. They're right. It's because I'm so fucking miserable. I hate myself right now something fierce. I'm stupid for falling in love with a man who doesn't give two shits about me. I know this, but I pretend that I'm delusional. He makes me feel like if only I were prettier, or thinner, or smarter, he might give a shit about me. But I'm not.
I'm not thinner, I'm not prettier, I'm not smarter. I just am myself. And right now, I would cry with tears of joy if I could be transformed into someone that he would like to spend the rest of his life with. Right now I'm just a distraction, some bullshit excuse to waste time. I'm nothing important. And dear lord does it kill me inside to know it.
I have never felt like this before. I have never had such emotional mood swings, so tremendous. From smiling and laughing like crazy to weeping like a fucking willow tree the next. All because of him. I hate him. I hate him so much for the stupid emo-sniveling cunt he has made me into, and yet, I can't help but adore him. He is the only thing I have ever wanted to this degree in my life.
I've mentioned before that I had no idea what love was... well, I also had no idea what true heartbreak was. I want to drink until the bottle is sore. I want to get so stoned I don't remember an entire week. Anything... anything to distract me from him.
Out of all the women I have spoken to, they say he loves me.
Out of all the men I have spoken to, they all say he is just stringing me along because he can.
I want a fucking decisive answer. I want to hear it from him.
Next time I speak to him, if I don't get an answer, one way or the other, I'm done. I
I need my life back. I need who I am back. I'm not this uptight person. I am not this way.
I am not a self destructive person.
I only hope I have the strength to deal with what happens when all is said and done.
In the meantime, whoever is religious, please keep me in your thoughts.
I really do need as much help as I can get.
I am this far <---> from a breakdown.
I'm trying to keep my pieces together but I'm losing them. They're drifting away from me.
I see a train wreck up ahead, but I can't keep myself from speeding along whistling CHOO-CHOO!
I'm so unhappy. I'm bitchy because of my issues. Two people have told me I'm uptight, Greggy and Zeus. They're right. It's because I'm so fucking miserable. I hate myself right now something fierce. I'm stupid for falling in love with a man who doesn't give two shits about me. I know this, but I pretend that I'm delusional. He makes me feel like if only I were prettier, or thinner, or smarter, he might give a shit about me. But I'm not.
I'm not thinner, I'm not prettier, I'm not smarter. I just am myself. And right now, I would cry with tears of joy if I could be transformed into someone that he would like to spend the rest of his life with. Right now I'm just a distraction, some bullshit excuse to waste time. I'm nothing important. And dear lord does it kill me inside to know it.
I have never felt like this before. I have never had such emotional mood swings, so tremendous. From smiling and laughing like crazy to weeping like a fucking willow tree the next. All because of him. I hate him. I hate him so much for the stupid emo-sniveling cunt he has made me into, and yet, I can't help but adore him. He is the only thing I have ever wanted to this degree in my life.
I've mentioned before that I had no idea what love was... well, I also had no idea what true heartbreak was. I want to drink until the bottle is sore. I want to get so stoned I don't remember an entire week. Anything... anything to distract me from him.
Out of all the women I have spoken to, they say he loves me.
Out of all the men I have spoken to, they all say he is just stringing me along because he can.
I want a fucking decisive answer. I want to hear it from him.
Next time I speak to him, if I don't get an answer, one way or the other, I'm done. I
I need my life back. I need who I am back. I'm not this uptight person. I am not this way.
I am not a self destructive person.
I only hope I have the strength to deal with what happens when all is said and done.
In the meantime, whoever is religious, please keep me in your thoughts.
I really do need as much help as I can get.
I am this far <---> from a breakdown.
I'm trying to keep my pieces together but I'm losing them. They're drifting away from me.
I see a train wreck up ahead, but I can't keep myself from speeding along whistling CHOO-CHOO!
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
You ARE smart(smarter than me, and i know that)
and you ARE skinny.
you're gorgeous as you.
realize that if someone loves you, it's all of you, not like...your pinky toe and they want you to mold yourself around it...that'd be fucking retarded.
i miss you.
and i'm in NJ now. we need to visit! and i'll punch you in the tit if you get sad. <3