Christmas was as smooth as it could have gone. Well there were some issues that occurred, but like I said, it went as smooth as it could have. My New Years was boring. I went out to dinner with my friend Jasmine, and then came home. I only had one alcoholic drink which was a Cafe Toledo from TGIF, and the rest of the night I was sitting at home on my computer being sad.
I haven't spoken to him since before Christmas Eve. I miss him, but I have a creeping suspicion that he is not speaking to me for his own reasons. The idea of it breaks my heart. Naturally, I automatically think of the worst things possible. I can't stop thinking about him, I can't even seem to escape him even when I try to bury my mind elsewhere. For example, today I decided I was going to watch The Scarlet Letter (which my mother suggested), and as soon as we're introduced to the Reverend, Hester's lover, it hits me like a ton of bricks. The guy is a Scot. I seriously cannot hide from my thoughts about him.
I don't know what else to do. I've been hanging out with my friends, I've been reading, I've been watching movies, anything to keep from thinking about him. I just seem to find myself constantly moping about. The main reason I am still waiting is because I am so desperately in love. I have never ever ever felt this way about anyone before. All of my exes... every time I said I loved them, I had no idea as to what I was talking about. I never understood romance novels, that completely hopeless love or emotion that renders you mentally inept, until I first spoke to him.
And because of this, I'm going to blame Sheena. If she hadn't told me about him and his sense of humor when she and he were friends, I never would have bothered. I would have never spoken to him, or found out how handsome he was, or how funny he was, or how well we got along. I'm just sad that I cannot have him, be with him constantly, or even know completely how he feels in return. He knows exactly how I feel because I have told him straight out, despite the vulnerability that I have shown.
If this ends bad, I only have myself to blame.
I haven't spoken to him since before Christmas Eve. I miss him, but I have a creeping suspicion that he is not speaking to me for his own reasons. The idea of it breaks my heart. Naturally, I automatically think of the worst things possible. I can't stop thinking about him, I can't even seem to escape him even when I try to bury my mind elsewhere. For example, today I decided I was going to watch The Scarlet Letter (which my mother suggested), and as soon as we're introduced to the Reverend, Hester's lover, it hits me like a ton of bricks. The guy is a Scot. I seriously cannot hide from my thoughts about him.
I don't know what else to do. I've been hanging out with my friends, I've been reading, I've been watching movies, anything to keep from thinking about him. I just seem to find myself constantly moping about. The main reason I am still waiting is because I am so desperately in love. I have never ever ever felt this way about anyone before. All of my exes... every time I said I loved them, I had no idea as to what I was talking about. I never understood romance novels, that completely hopeless love or emotion that renders you mentally inept, until I first spoke to him.
And because of this, I'm going to blame Sheena. If she hadn't told me about him and his sense of humor when she and he were friends, I never would have bothered. I would have never spoken to him, or found out how handsome he was, or how funny he was, or how well we got along. I'm just sad that I cannot have him, be with him constantly, or even know completely how he feels in return. He knows exactly how I feel because I have told him straight out, despite the vulnerability that I have shown.
If this ends bad, I only have myself to blame.
fairys:
I hope you get better soon is horrible being sad because love 