I love textsfromlastnight.com!
Soooooooooo funny.
Here's a taste:
- (202): you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!" -
- (614): Welp...herpes. -
- (847): So I'm banging this nun...
(314): Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already... -
- (253): oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
(1-253): I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate. -
- (914): last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever. -
- (310): so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump? -
- (410): guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance. -
- (402): giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds. -
- (337): I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel. -
- (229): this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
(1-229): You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture? -
- (775): Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
(504): Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera. -
- (559): you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you -
- (303): Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England -
Okay, I got a liiiiiiiiiittle carried away.
Soooooooooo funny.
Here's a taste:
- (202): you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!" -
- (614): Welp...herpes. -
- (847): So I'm banging this nun...
(314): Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already... -
- (253): oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
(1-253): I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate. -
- (914): last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever. -
- (310): so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump? -
- (410): guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance. -
- (402): giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds. -
- (337): I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel. -
- (229): this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
(1-229): You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture? -
- (775): Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
(504): Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera. -
- (559): you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you -
- (303): Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England -
Okay, I got a liiiiiiiiiittle carried away.