Biz0unc3: Kurt....
Kabantik: yup?
Biz0unc3: You've been hanging out with Sonya more than I have lately
Biz0unc3: what's going on :-(
Kabantik: well as of this week yeah
Biz0unc3: She's not even going to acen now
Biz0unc3: This fucking sucks
Kabantik: You want my idea of honest truth or speculation?
Biz0unc3: yeah...
Kabantik: I'll take that as both
Biz0unc3: honest truth
Biz0unc3: sorry
Kabantik: Sonya is really off since you two dated
Kabantik: you're treating her slightly different now, and she's reacting alot differently than before it seems
Kabantik: It sounds like somewhere deep down she resents that the failure of the relationship was placed on her shoulders. Even though it sounded like a mutual "not ready for each other's pace" problem.
Biz0unc3: It just seemed like she just didn't even want to try
Kabantik: I can only go with what I heard
Kabantik: which doesnt mean I know anything for sure
Biz0unc3: she never even talks to me
Kabantik: Yeah I know she doesnt, people never talk with people they have a problem with. It's a fear that the relationship (friends or whatever) wont withstand a request for comprimise or resolution of conflict
Kabantik: Its kinda scary to go to someone with a problem you have about them, when you really just dont want to sit on it and let it become an anger ball.
Kabantik: Sonyas words are that "she tried, she really did" (replacing she's with I's)
Kabantik: Shes pretty hard on herself about it.
Kabantik: She also sees whats going on between you and Lil Sara and she's been pretty forthcoming with her concern to me. For reasons I imagine I covered broadly in above statements
Biz0unc3: <sigh>
Kabantik: She's pretty concerned that you're going to get attached, and lil sarahs gonna hurt you like Leeanne did.
Kabantik: Some of what she says makes sense. Other parts of her being angry you can tell are dual natured.
Biz0unc3: yeah...
Kabantik: Lil sarah presents to you a possible immediate affectionate/physical relationship, through a person sonya A: doesnt approve of, and B: cant offer the same kind of relationship as her and thus may or may not be in a degree jealous.
Biz0unc3: I don't need the type of physical affectionate relationship in order to be happy
Kabantik: Theres not a doubt to me that sonya wanted your relationship to work, she cares about you, but disapproves of how you do certain things. (nobodies perfect)
Biz0unc3: I don't need someone to be all over me
Biz0unc3: But y'know, it's still like having a new puppy
Biz0unc3: You stop petting me and I want to move on...
Biz0unc3: And there was no petting...nothing
Biz0unc3: And I don't mean sex
Biz0unc3: She didn't even want to be alone with me\
Kabantik: She's agoraphobic, it's not necessarily hard to imagine her having intimacy problems.
Kabantik: BUT yes
Kabantik: I can see where that would make having a relationship difficult, I could see then, I can see now
Kabantik: relationships can only go as fast as the slowest person
Kabantik: something I almost never adhere to thanks to my stupid penis
Biz0unc3: Yeah
Biz0unc3: dammit
Kabantik: I've pushed relationships too far too fast more than once, and gotten burned every time
Kabantik: Its because we grow up with the thinking that women will only be with people they really care about, and sex also places a feeling of instinctual ownership over the partner in some mentalities
Kabantik: Thus if a girl wont kiss you or hug you, she doesnt care
Biz0unc3: the kissing part is most important for me
Kabantik: Its always been the most integral milestone of any relationship since I've been around a tv
Kabantik: and lets face it, we dont usually learn how to run a successful relationship from our parents, mine divorced, I've got shit to work with.
Biz0unc3: Just being held and every now and then that person telling you that they care....
Kabantik: would be great if it were enough for most people but it rarely is.
Kabantik: The significant other shouldnt be your only source of affirmation, but in the cases where it is more tangible affection is often required ya know?
Kabantik: Not a whole lot of kindness in the world. Thus we turn to our girlfriends.
Kabantik: Im probably just ranting cuz its 5am
Biz0unc3: no, everything you're saying is making sense
Kabantik: Im just trying to say that "I understand exactly that you weren't getting what you needed in the relationship for you to be happy. Also that there was no way for Sonya to give at that point or maybe any point in the near future enough affection without making herself unhappy. Not because it would be with you, as far as I know she's most comfortable with you out of all your friends. But because of issues that she's still dealing with."
Kabantik: For you two to have a successful relationship, I can only speculate from what I've said and gathered thus far.
Kabantik: And that my friends is as Kintaro Oe as I get.
Biz0unc3: that was god
Biz0unc3: good even
Kabantik: yup?
Biz0unc3: You've been hanging out with Sonya more than I have lately
Biz0unc3: what's going on :-(
Kabantik: well as of this week yeah
Biz0unc3: She's not even going to acen now
Biz0unc3: This fucking sucks
Kabantik: You want my idea of honest truth or speculation?
Biz0unc3: yeah...
Kabantik: I'll take that as both
Biz0unc3: honest truth
Biz0unc3: sorry
Kabantik: Sonya is really off since you two dated
Kabantik: you're treating her slightly different now, and she's reacting alot differently than before it seems
Kabantik: It sounds like somewhere deep down she resents that the failure of the relationship was placed on her shoulders. Even though it sounded like a mutual "not ready for each other's pace" problem.
Biz0unc3: It just seemed like she just didn't even want to try
Kabantik: I can only go with what I heard
Kabantik: which doesnt mean I know anything for sure
Biz0unc3: she never even talks to me
Kabantik: Yeah I know she doesnt, people never talk with people they have a problem with. It's a fear that the relationship (friends or whatever) wont withstand a request for comprimise or resolution of conflict
Kabantik: Its kinda scary to go to someone with a problem you have about them, when you really just dont want to sit on it and let it become an anger ball.
Kabantik: Sonyas words are that "she tried, she really did" (replacing she's with I's)
Kabantik: Shes pretty hard on herself about it.
Kabantik: She also sees whats going on between you and Lil Sara and she's been pretty forthcoming with her concern to me. For reasons I imagine I covered broadly in above statements
Biz0unc3: <sigh>
Kabantik: She's pretty concerned that you're going to get attached, and lil sarahs gonna hurt you like Leeanne did.
Kabantik: Some of what she says makes sense. Other parts of her being angry you can tell are dual natured.
Biz0unc3: yeah...
Kabantik: Lil sarah presents to you a possible immediate affectionate/physical relationship, through a person sonya A: doesnt approve of, and B: cant offer the same kind of relationship as her and thus may or may not be in a degree jealous.
Biz0unc3: I don't need the type of physical affectionate relationship in order to be happy
Kabantik: Theres not a doubt to me that sonya wanted your relationship to work, she cares about you, but disapproves of how you do certain things. (nobodies perfect)
Biz0unc3: I don't need someone to be all over me
Biz0unc3: But y'know, it's still like having a new puppy
Biz0unc3: You stop petting me and I want to move on...
Biz0unc3: And there was no petting...nothing
Biz0unc3: And I don't mean sex
Biz0unc3: She didn't even want to be alone with me\
Kabantik: She's agoraphobic, it's not necessarily hard to imagine her having intimacy problems.
Kabantik: BUT yes
Kabantik: I can see where that would make having a relationship difficult, I could see then, I can see now
Kabantik: relationships can only go as fast as the slowest person
Kabantik: something I almost never adhere to thanks to my stupid penis
Biz0unc3: Yeah
Biz0unc3: dammit
Kabantik: I've pushed relationships too far too fast more than once, and gotten burned every time
Kabantik: Its because we grow up with the thinking that women will only be with people they really care about, and sex also places a feeling of instinctual ownership over the partner in some mentalities
Kabantik: Thus if a girl wont kiss you or hug you, she doesnt care
Biz0unc3: the kissing part is most important for me
Kabantik: Its always been the most integral milestone of any relationship since I've been around a tv
Kabantik: and lets face it, we dont usually learn how to run a successful relationship from our parents, mine divorced, I've got shit to work with.
Biz0unc3: Just being held and every now and then that person telling you that they care....
Kabantik: would be great if it were enough for most people but it rarely is.
Kabantik: The significant other shouldnt be your only source of affirmation, but in the cases where it is more tangible affection is often required ya know?
Kabantik: Not a whole lot of kindness in the world. Thus we turn to our girlfriends.
Kabantik: Im probably just ranting cuz its 5am
Biz0unc3: no, everything you're saying is making sense
Kabantik: Im just trying to say that "I understand exactly that you weren't getting what you needed in the relationship for you to be happy. Also that there was no way for Sonya to give at that point or maybe any point in the near future enough affection without making herself unhappy. Not because it would be with you, as far as I know she's most comfortable with you out of all your friends. But because of issues that she's still dealing with."
Kabantik: For you two to have a successful relationship, I can only speculate from what I've said and gathered thus far.
Kabantik: And that my friends is as Kintaro Oe as I get.
Biz0unc3: that was god
Biz0unc3: good even