kash

The other night i had this fucked up dream. My head was throbing and aching in my dream, so i decided to use one of those saws the cut open casts with and cut open my skull. I cut across my forehead and all the way round my head. Then i lift off the top of my skull and expose my brain. Looking in a mirror, i can't remember why i did it and got a little nervous so i put my skull top back on top of my head and line up my fore head where it belongs. then i take 3 screws and try to secure the top of my skull to my head by screwing in the screws. i feel the the points of them on my brain. OMG it hurt.. but it wasn't working i couldn't re-attach my skull. then i woke up.
it was soo real that i reached up and touch my head, greatly relieved it was just a real bad dream.
so today.. unable to past the memory of this dream... and why is that? i mean good dreams we forget before we are completly awake but bad ones.. scarey ones.. they haunt our waking mind. I talk it over with my guy. and just as he asks what do you think it means, it dawns on me.
I've been emotionally fucked for years, depressed and unable to keep my mind focused, and sometimes my thoughts have wondered around suicide(please no telling me 'oh you got so much to live for yada yada yada - i know that) This dream is me trying to fix myself.. and my subconcious telling me graghically that it can't be done. i need to see someone else and let them help me.
sometimes a dream is just a dream but other times its an important revelation.