karmakicksass

so i went to visit my dad and stepmom today to tell him about this certification school that i went to to visit and we eneded up talkng about a lot of stuff. it was good, i mean my dad opinions are one of the highest that i hold in regard about anything, but like humans, we soemtimes have very different view points; mostly, when it comes to about religion and soemtimes gender issues, and this time about my trust isses. i told him, its that i trust anyone to a certain extent, its that i choose not to fully, blindly trust anyone with my whole being? yeah ok, maybe thats from a psychological point of view and saying that that comes from my past of being abandoned or mis-treated. But mostly, its comes from being human. humans say and or do things that they will not live up to- at least if i am the one saying it (to myself) then all i have is my word, which is what i have had for all my life. i fully trust myself. im here, arent i? this is not to be confused with gratefullness, or forgiveness. fogiveness does not = trust. and also, taking a bullet for soemone does not = trust. you can live with someone your whole life and still be a ratio of 90/10. this comes from the things i have seen, see and continue to see. which brings me to another point: love. you see, sometimes i mistaken for being too trustworthy, oh lets say, giving a bum some money b/c he told you he has heartburn. but really, my heart is jsut big- i dont want to think that maybe in some horrible state, that could be me and i would be homelss, with heartburn and no money to buy with. See how those relate but dont = each other? the same goes for everyday life. ive been promised and broken, but the fuck hasnt. thats called living. i used to think i was weak, but when i look at everything that i have lived through, i think, yeah, im pretty damn strong.