"I can't believe I've fallen down to my knees
They've got me begging me "Please, there has to be another way"
My broken chest, it hurts, it won't let me breathe,
I'm staring down at my wrists, you know I have to insist
That you talk to me
Why won't you talk to me
When did I want to be lonely
When did I want to be cold
I can't believe that it's over
The beating of my broken hearted soul
I can't believe that I am down in this hole
Always paying the toll for having found my way to you
It doesn't matter that I pushed you away
When you wanted to stay, I had to find a way to make you
Talk to me
Why won't you talk to me
When did I want to be lonely
When did I want to be cold
I can't believe that it's over
The feeling in my broken hearted soul"
this is whats going through my head right now. today marks one year since carolyn. and i'm so mad at myself. i should be further past this. i shouldn't want anything to do with her anymore. but instead i find myself wanting to talk to her more than i have wanted to talk to her in the past 6 months. i know it is useless. but i can't seem to shake it. and with all the rest of the little things adding up in my world i just want to make it stop. but i don't have the answer.
now its not all bad. despite this funk i have managed to keep my arm clean. no new scars to add to the collection. (on a quick aside, my itunes hates me) I am proud of that. its been about two months now. i want to. badly. but i have kept my knives put away. and for that i am very proud of myself.
but i guess the trick is to try and keep my brain occupied. hard to do lately cause my mind feels slippery. i find it hard to focus. and the thoughts and images kinda slide around in weird way at times. i'd say i was drugged but i know i'm not. the only thing i've taken in the last month was valerian root. and it doesn't do that. I also keep having very vivid dreams. i think there is something to them i just can't quite unlock the meaning.
sorry for the bad juju. i have hope that things will get better. i just need to figure out how to make it happen now.
They've got me begging me "Please, there has to be another way"
My broken chest, it hurts, it won't let me breathe,
I'm staring down at my wrists, you know I have to insist
That you talk to me
Why won't you talk to me
When did I want to be lonely
When did I want to be cold
I can't believe that it's over
The beating of my broken hearted soul
I can't believe that I am down in this hole
Always paying the toll for having found my way to you
It doesn't matter that I pushed you away
When you wanted to stay, I had to find a way to make you
Talk to me
Why won't you talk to me
When did I want to be lonely
When did I want to be cold
I can't believe that it's over
The feeling in my broken hearted soul"
this is whats going through my head right now. today marks one year since carolyn. and i'm so mad at myself. i should be further past this. i shouldn't want anything to do with her anymore. but instead i find myself wanting to talk to her more than i have wanted to talk to her in the past 6 months. i know it is useless. but i can't seem to shake it. and with all the rest of the little things adding up in my world i just want to make it stop. but i don't have the answer.
now its not all bad. despite this funk i have managed to keep my arm clean. no new scars to add to the collection. (on a quick aside, my itunes hates me) I am proud of that. its been about two months now. i want to. badly. but i have kept my knives put away. and for that i am very proud of myself.
but i guess the trick is to try and keep my brain occupied. hard to do lately cause my mind feels slippery. i find it hard to focus. and the thoughts and images kinda slide around in weird way at times. i'd say i was drugged but i know i'm not. the only thing i've taken in the last month was valerian root. and it doesn't do that. I also keep having very vivid dreams. i think there is something to them i just can't quite unlock the meaning.
sorry for the bad juju. i have hope that things will get better. i just need to figure out how to make it happen now.
sumayah:
thanks for your comment on my set 