kaotic343936

Crazy!!!!!!!!
Current mood: determined

Wow i had the most crazy awesome thing happen. I thought about somebody i haven't in a long time, Jordan and i decided to give it one more shot and see if he had a myspace and viola there he was. He was a really good friend to me back when i needed it the most. And i'm a terrible person because when i ran away i cut contact from everybody because i didnt know who i could trust since a close friend of mine had recently turned her back on me. But that's insane its been like 2, 2 1/2 years since we have last spoken after we lost contact i tried numerous times to get back in touch with him but all chances were foiled. I hope he's doing well for himself i wrote him a long ass message so i hope that he responds because if possible i would like to salvage our friendship. If we become as good of friends as we were i'll know that anything is possible. To those of you who aren't aware Junior left me on April 5th Friday at 10:45pm. I am crushed permanently he has killed me, he may not have taken a knife to me but he may as well have. I would do absolutly anything to have him back in my arms, i think i'm not such a horrible person that i don't deserve a second chance, i am miserable without him i hardly eat, barely sleep, everytime i hear songs that remind me of him it hurts just the thought that i have lost him forever makes my insides churn. I love that man with all my soul and being, he meant absolutly everything to me, he was my emotional crutch and support and the only person i can count on, but now he too has left me so now i am completly alone and on my own. I love him so much that i have taken a vow of celibacy for those of you who know me this is a huge thing, if he and i dont get back together i never want to have sex with anyone else ever again. I would do anything for him, even die for him. I had planned on spending every waking moment of the rest of my life with him. Now there is nothing left for me in this world he was the one thing that meant something. I still wear the ring and keep our pictures because i want him back more then anything else in the world i would give up everything for him. I need him back i honestly dont think i can go on without him. I am dead on the inside and out and to the world i'm an empty shell of a carcus waiting to collapse. Only he can save me now.