- It’s 5:35am in Adelaide, Australia and I’ve been wide awake in bed since 3pm yeaterday
-I’m usually the one that smiles 24/7, never asks for help, and never shows weakness.
- I’ve even had best friends from childhood turn around to me and ask if I even know how to cry. It makes me happy knowing I can be there for other people.. but sad that even those closest to me have no idea what I suffer because I’m too afraid to tell anyone.
- I don’t know why I’m so afraid to tell people my problems when everyone else seem to be perfectly fine posting and venting their mental health all over social media.
- I went to the doctors a week ago, at 27 years old, with chronic fatigue, night sweats and tremors, nausea and loss of appetite, rapid weight loss, insomnia and swollen joints. I thought I’d got the flu and needed antibiotics asap.
- After many routine inspections and tests I am shocked to realise that its anxiety and insomnia left untreated and undiagnosed.
- I always knew I stressed a lot and got overwhelmed more so than other people but instead of addressing it I would commit to a “hole” (isolate myself for a few days) and not leave bed or the house. During this time I would smoke weed, turn off my phone and watch funny videos. I don’t usually sleep, I never have been a sleeper even as a child.
But I block out the world until I can breathe again. I never realised until today just how not normal this is.
- When these episodes hit I can’t do anything social what so ever. I can’t eat, sleep, function, reply to an email or even pick up the phone to my best friends. I’ve gone 7 days without even checking my Facebook notifications before, whilst the entire 7 days I’ve had my phone in my hand watching YouTube.
- They get angry at me, think I’m ignoring them and then lash out for being a bad friend. But they don’t understand I’m lying in a bed shaking and I don’t have the guts to tell them what’s really going on.
- Why? I don’t know. Shame? Maybe. Embarrassed? Yes. Immobile? Absolutely. Anxious? Overwhelming.
- Why is it that everyone around me is so comfortable telling other people their problems but I’m too blind to even realise my own? Anyway🤷🏻♀️
- Thanks for being my platform for the first time😍 soz for the emotional blog aha,
What do you do to fill in the time?
