So, for the last day of pride month, I thought I'd talk about the most sunshiny, happy topic in the whole ace/aro thing: aphobia. So, what are examples of aphobia? Well, the popular stance that asexuality/aromanticism is a mental illness, a choice, or a phase you'll grow out of (and let's be honest, anyone on the entire queer spectrum gets that kind of attitude to some degree still). But there are plenty of other more specific things: That you'll meet that special "someone" and then you'll feel sexual (or romantic) attraction and suddenly not be asexual (or aromantic) anymore. That you're too young to know if you're ace/aro or not. That you can't be ace if you've had sex before. That you can't be aro if you've been in a romantic relationship before. That asexuality is flat out not a real thing. That if you're married in any way, shape, or form, you can't be asexual. That parents can't be asexual. That if you actually are asexual, that means you're like a plant, or a robot, or some non-human thing. That aspec people experience "straight privilege" because they can "pass" (which is just a form of erasure, plenty of bi and pan folks probably recognize this one).
Aces might be told that sex is "what makes us human" (and aros are told that "love", specifically romantic love, is what makes us human). They might be asked if they masturbate, as if doing so is some kind of "gotcha" that disproves asexuality. It's not uncommon for aces to get lewd/crass comments about how "they" can turn you not-asexual (and this happens to ace men as well as ace women). Aces who've never had sex and aren't interested in sex will almost certainly be asked how they know they're not interested unless they try it. They'll be told, sometimes by some rando, sometimes by their own doctor, that it must be hormones. Or low libido. But it can't be asexuality (most commonly because it's again still seen as a mental condition or a fiction). It'll be assumed you suffered trauma, and if you just healed that trauma you'll stop being asexual. They'll claim that being able to orgasm is proof you're not asexual. And it's so damn common to hear that asexuality is "just celibacy". Or that you're just ugly and no one wants you so you're trying to feel special. Or that you're going to be sad, alone, and lonely your entire life, that no one wants to be with someone who doesn't want sex, or who can't feel sexual/romantic attraction to their partner.
And there's the cruelty from within LGBT circles aimed at asexuals, claiming that they're trying to co-opt "the movement". That queerness is specifically about sex, not lack of sex. That you're not really asexual, but actually gay/lesbian and in denial. And absolutely every other thing listed above, as well as that aces (and aros) aren't discriminated against at all.
There's more. There's always more. Like that aces are prone to suffering "corrective rape", and that they're less accepted, generally speaking, than being homosexual or bisexual.
So how can you, person reading this, combat these cruel and dangerous ideas? Well, here's a short list:
~Knowing that Asexuality is defined as experiencing little-to-no sexual attraction. Aromanticism is defined as feeling little-to-no romantic attraction.
~Knowing that sexual desire is separate from sexual attraction. Knowing that enjoying romantic gestures is different from feeling romantic attraction.
~Knowing that without feeling one type of attraction (be it sexual or romantic), there are other types of attraction that aces might feel; platonic (I must friend that person), sensual (I must touch/hold that person), aesthetic (that person looks fantastic). And knowing that many aces and aros treasure these types of attraction over the ones they don't feel.
~Knowing that asexuality and aromanticism aren't a choice, aren't because of low hormones, they're not medical, they're not something that needs a "cure".
~Knowing that a person's past or present relationship situation, enjoyment of sex, ability or desire to orgasm, inclination to masturbate, or anything else sexual in nature doesn't preclude being asexual or aromantic.
~Understanding that if a bisexual person can recognize their bisexuality or a homosexual person can recognize their homosexuality or a heterosexual can recognize their heterosexuality without sleeping with someone, then an asexual doesn't need to sleep with anyone to know they're asexual. Sexuality is about attraction, not action.
~Knowing that asexuality is not the same as celibacy; some ace people have and even enjoy sex while feeling no sexual attraction at all.
~Knowing that aromanticism and asexuality are two separate things. Not all ace people are aro, not all aro people are ace.
~Knowing that not feeling sexual or romantic attraction does not make a person inhuman (everyone knows that terrigen mist is what makes a person Inhuman #MarvelReferences).
I think that'll be all for now. Happy Pride Month, y'all.
