kalleigh

i really hope that nothing else goes wrong this week.
between dreams about being murdered
then having search helicopters flying over my house the next night
and all the bullshit that's gone down at work this week
i dont know if i can deal with much more.

so you know how i told y'all about the "promotion" i got at work
well its a total farse.
i havent started learning anything new
and they boosted me up to five days a week
and this week kicked me back down to four
four is still more than three
but i wish someone would make up their fucking minds.
plus for some reason it was "bag on kallee week"
between the hours getting cut back
i also got lectured for a bunch of mistakes id been making
which all happens to be stuff ive been doing for months
so i dont know why it was suddenly a problem now.
AND i got punished like a teenager with bad grades on her report card yesterday
when i was imformed that im no longer allowed to talk on my cell phone
or text anyone while im at work.
yet again one of those things that i dont know why its suddenly a problem now.
when i started working there i was with my ex, so we'd text all day
during the most critical part of my job here, when i was learning everything
and no one said anything
and because im not someones mother or spouse
i cant answer my phone
cause its not like my friends have emergencies or anything
or want to know if i want to go out to lunch or hang out later.
but everyone can answer their phone
because they are a mother/father/spouse
and obviously have important things to talk about compared to me.
so im just kind of fed up with all the wishy-washy-ness right now.
especially because i know i can work and talk at the same time
im not any less productive.

but yea,
i cant wait for the weekend.
at least i have fridays off now.
or mondays
whatever i want
or some random day in the middle of the week if i feel like it

i was reading my great grandpa's memoirs over the weekend at my parents house
and just reading how hard he worked on their farm
and just doing whatever he could
makes me think that all of our grandparents, great grandparents, great great grandparents
and so on.
probably all feel liike all of us were born with a silver spoon shoved so far
up our asses we dont even notice.
just being born in this day and age
no matter the status of our family
there are certain things that because of the development of our society we have over them.
my great grandpa didnt have any form of proper education until he was older
cause there wasnt a school within a 20 mile radius of the first "shack" they lived in.
nowadays if that were the case, the school would offer boarding for those students in more rural areas.
plus they all worked so hard for the things they had
and really valued them.
i know there's stuff i have that im like "oh yea, cool/big deal"
or that isnt in tip top condition because ive taken it for granted.

reading everything he had to say not only gave me insite on him as a person (since he died before i was born)
but to that time
to the way he was raised and how it sculpted him as a person
and the way he would raise his children,
the way they would raise their children
and how my parents would raise me.
i remember thinking both when my grandpa (on my dad's side)
and my grandma (on my mom's side)
passed away, that it wasnt fair.
not because i didnt get to spend enough time with them
or because they lost their lives
but because i had so much questions to ask.
for both, it was their time to go, my grandma especially,
but it upsets me that i took my time with them for granted
and didnt ask the things i should've asked while i still had them here.
but we learn from our mistakes, and i still have two healthy grandparents left.
and a shitload of questions lol.

EVERYONE BETTER HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND DAMNIT!