ok so maybe that last post was a little harsh
but let me explain something.
my last relationship was a complete lie.
for 11 months i was crazy about someone that never ever loved me to begin with.
i spent over $2000 on someone who didn't even remember my name.
i thought he was cute when he called me "babe"
but that's what he called everyone.
he couldnt remember all our names.
one night about a month before i was supposed to go visit him
i found out he was cheating on me.
and not just sleeping with a girl or two.
he was telling at least 5 girls he loved them and wanted to marry them (not including me)
there were another 10 or so he was "dating" seriously
and 30+ he was casually flirting with.
plus another 10-20 local girls he was fucking.
my world stopped.
i couldnt breathe.
i couldnt speak.
i couldnt feel.
i just shut down.
everything inside me shut down.
everytime i've started to open up to someone since i keep getting hurt.
its so frustrating.
im trying so hard to put myself out there and meet new people and date
but no one is interested.
i know im a good friend and at least a decent girlfriend
but its hard when no one will give you a chance.
and i would go away.
if my lease on my place were up soon
i know i love my job and all
but right now
i would leave.
and i wouldnt regret it for a second.
yes i would 110% miss all of the awesome new friends ive made
but sometimes running is what im best at.
and right now id like to run far and fast.
to a beach somewhere
where no one knows me
curl up in a blanket
and just sit on the beach staring out onto the horizon
where no one can harm me.
unless some stranger comes along to butt rape me.
but thats another story lol.
but yea.
im just sick of all this bullshit.
i love my friends.
i love my place.
i love my job.
but having nothing to share all that with sucks ass right now.
and i am still trying really hard not to cry.
but now that no one is in the room two tears have slipped free.
well at least ill be working more now.
maybe i can just be a workaholic the rest of my life.
ok ill stop complaining now.
thanks to everyone that loves me.
especially my isi.
who, if she knew i was crying right now would hit me then hug me.
but let me explain something.
my last relationship was a complete lie.
for 11 months i was crazy about someone that never ever loved me to begin with.
i spent over $2000 on someone who didn't even remember my name.
i thought he was cute when he called me "babe"
but that's what he called everyone.
he couldnt remember all our names.
one night about a month before i was supposed to go visit him
i found out he was cheating on me.
and not just sleeping with a girl or two.
he was telling at least 5 girls he loved them and wanted to marry them (not including me)
there were another 10 or so he was "dating" seriously
and 30+ he was casually flirting with.
plus another 10-20 local girls he was fucking.
my world stopped.
i couldnt breathe.
i couldnt speak.
i couldnt feel.
i just shut down.
everything inside me shut down.
everytime i've started to open up to someone since i keep getting hurt.
its so frustrating.
im trying so hard to put myself out there and meet new people and date
but no one is interested.
i know im a good friend and at least a decent girlfriend
but its hard when no one will give you a chance.
and i would go away.
if my lease on my place were up soon
i know i love my job and all
but right now
i would leave.
and i wouldnt regret it for a second.
yes i would 110% miss all of the awesome new friends ive made
but sometimes running is what im best at.
and right now id like to run far and fast.
to a beach somewhere
where no one knows me
curl up in a blanket
and just sit on the beach staring out onto the horizon
where no one can harm me.
unless some stranger comes along to butt rape me.
but thats another story lol.
but yea.
im just sick of all this bullshit.
i love my friends.
i love my place.
i love my job.
but having nothing to share all that with sucks ass right now.
and i am still trying really hard not to cry.
but now that no one is in the room two tears have slipped free.
well at least ill be working more now.
maybe i can just be a workaholic the rest of my life.
ok ill stop complaining now.
thanks to everyone that loves me.
especially my isi.
who, if she knew i was crying right now would hit me then hug me.
isiness:
Bitch you don't know me! haha, ok ok so you do. I love you, I promise it will look up. You have a wonderful personality and everything will work out great for you, because that's all you diserve. <3 hope its not to warm on the futon. ARMIDALLO
polarbear:
Unfortunately I've recently been through the same type of heartache as you so I feel you on that.For many years I put up a wall around my heart because I had been hurt so badly.Then eventually I decided that the lonliness(sp?) was too much and that I needed to let my gaurd down a bit.Well,of course just as soon as I did that,I got my heart ripped to shreds.Over and over. So I just wanted you to know that you are not alone with this kind of shit and any time you would like to talk,just let me know 