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kalischild

A deeper level of ennui than you will ever know.

Member Since 2003

Followers 39 Following 33

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Wednesday Jun 09, 2004

Jun 9, 2004
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Sliding downwards, standing still.

She holds herself inside so tight she never lets the strength out, just the light. If only she knew what I knew; that the moment that you cease to care what you have to lose is the only time you can't lose.

That is when you begin to gain strength, and the silky-smooth sense of your own power, along with the appreciation that other people actually do think that you are wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous, charming, alive, and inspired.

You learn to see yourself as you, are not as you were. They weren't there, they never saw you small. They can only see you as tall as you stand. The little girl inside is only a memory that keeps you smaller than you are.

'Here' is now, 'there' is a labyrinth.

Your light is there to guide you as you walk, following the thread you left behind you on your spinning spiral down; but if you go nowhere your light will only cast menacing shadows of yourself...

Monsters on the walls. Dragons and daddies and showers in all your clothes.

Our rooms are full of dust and cobwebs, and our hands curl into fists whenever the other walks in with a broom. The bed is empty, the sheets are cool.

We have nothing left to say because everything's been said but no it hasn't I have so much to say to feel to live to drown in. Love you I love you you, but you are lost and I am waiting outside, but the day is growing long, and I am growing older, and there's a party I heard about up the street.

I am too young to live like I'm dead because she is afraid of everything outside her head when it's what is in her head that makes her scared, and life no matter how hard it is is just a slice of cheesecake to be nibbled away bit by succulent bit.

Sure, it bites and scratches and screams, but so do we, or we did when the sheets were warm, when our eyes burned and smouldered. Yes, It has it's ups and downs, but I refuse to drown. you must swim my love, if you panic you are lost

How can she be so scared if she's so brave, or is it the other way around?

I think of bulls in china shops. And now I know why the bull is crushingtossingturnigyearning; all the bull wants is to stop breaking all these beautiful things.

Sometimes, The saddest thing is seeing her wave at me, from behind her eyes. Even when her brown brown chocolate eyes get small and tight.

I am running out of waiting.

I am waiting to run.



amitabha:
you know.. I have to hand it to you.. you give probably the most well thought out journal comments of anyone on the site..
Jun 10, 2004
amitabha:
my meatspace coordinates? I take it that's some weird way of asking me where I live?

Portland, OR
Jun 12, 2004

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