So once again, friends and followers, my apologies for not writing for a while.
This month has been extraordinarily terrible. Not only was I reeling from the still-fresh shock of one of my best friend's mother's death, but this past Sunday, my best best friend, my Soulmate...her boyfriend died.
He was in a motorcycle accident, struck by a driver who was texting. He was hit so hard that half of his bones were crushed. He was dead on impact, but someone performed CPR and revived him long enough to get him to the hospital. He lasted less than a couple of hours before he was pronounced dead. He was 23, the love of my Soulmate's life, father of their twin 2-year-old boys, had JUST started his career as a police officer, was a complete goof, made awful jokes, could talk to me for HOURS about gaming, had no shame in his game, and was a determined man - if he wanted something, he worked damned hard to get or achieve it. Waking up to messages telling me he was in a horrible accident was heart-wrenching. It's been a week and I still can't fully process his loss. I can't believe I'll never get to yell at him for being an asshole to my best friend, that I can't bullshit with him about the next Fallout game, that I can't hear another of his fricking terrible jokes. I'm heartbroken.
ON TOP OF THAT...
The same day, not even a full hour and a half after he was pronounced dead, I get a message from my cousin saying I need to call him ASAP. Come to find out my grandmother had been in a really bad (and completely separate) accident...one bad enough that she had to be life-flighted to Akron. She was t-boned so hard that she flipped multiple times, her legs were pinned, and they had to use the jaws of life to get her out. She ended up with a broken ankle, knee, pelvis, ribs and clavicle, as well as abrasions all over her body. She won't be able to leave the hospital for a couple of weeks, and she won't be able to bear her own weight for at least 6. She's had surgery on her knee and ankle so far, and had to have another mini knockout to remove all the glass embedded in her skin.
I'm just so fucking out of it lately. I can't deal. I've been crying on and off for days.
Deven's death and my grandmother's injuries have really made me think about the fragility of life, though. I keep thinking about how I've been hermitting myself away in my depression and anxiety, and it feels like I'm being stretched to the point of snapping. Something has to change. I can't keep living like this. I can't keep myself holed away while life passes me by.
So yeah. That's why I've been absent for the past month. xx
