kadmeia

OK so I was gonna write about everything that's happened the past few days about James, and saying goodbye, about Life, and about Lesley. Hectic. Surreal. Everything. And then I realized what's the point? I just talked to Jimmie and he told me that my job right now was to get on that plane and not look back until I get where I'm going. He told me I'm from NY now and I can't miss people, he told me people are disposable. And for every one I meet I'll find another like them elsewhere. And while I don't believe that I understand his point. While I will argue the disposability of many of my close friends, that is probably one of the most honest goodbyes I've gotten. He told me he'd miss me but it doesn't matter because I need to get out of here and he's right. Staying here would probably suffocate me, if I weren't going to NY I'd be backpacking around Asia and Thailand and stuff and knowing me I'd actually manage to sever more ties by not moving than I am by moving (I don't know if that makes sense)
I don't know what I'm doing right now. I'm exhausted but I can't bring myself to sleep. I have so much to do that I can't right now. THis is my last night in my own bed and probably the most important.