In advance this entire entry is a rant on female body image, I'll save you time and tell you that it's repetative and while interesting to me probably isn't to other people.
Dude ok today was really weird and I've finally discovered why the self-esteem of young woman is so low. Now right away I'm gonna get something straight I have curves but I am in no way a big girl, I'm 5'3" 124lbs (clothed) and I have a fair amount of muscle. I'm a healthy weight I have a healthy figure. I'm a vegetarian, I love working out and I'm proud of my body because I think it's beautiful. Well today I went shopping for pants and slowly got more and more depressed and insecure about my image.. I suddenly felt like a balloon, like I had become fat and was completely embarassed because well ... I felt fat.
Now on all logical levels thats not true with the amount of muscle I have I'm a completely healthy weight but for some reason trying on clothes made me feel like shit about myself and I couldn't snap myself out of it. I don't even think it was fair for me to think that way I mean seriously.. I'm tan (right now), naturally dark blonde with light blonde highlights, I'm pretty well built, I have love handles and a slight stomach but am still skinny and you can still see outlines of my bone structure (hip bones, etc.), I have a good chest, not large but not small and I definately have a back. I don't know.. anyway it made no sense and I think it sucks that something as simple as shopping for pants can make me feel like shit about myself because that's really not cool and shit shouldn't be that way. Granted I am sort of shy and self-conscious but overall I like and respect myself so I really just think that this is bullshit. It's probably a reflection on my own self perception if something this simple can make me feel crappy but at the same time it's a reflection on society as well because I'm a product of a consumer society and the fact that in two different stores in multiple sizes and brands I only found one pair of pants that didn't make me feel like I'm fat has to say something.
More little rants.. umm I'm hungry and bored and I can't drink anymore water. I'm getting blood drawn in about 5 and a half hours so I can't eat and I slept through dinner so I'm starving and can't do shit about it. I slept from like 7 to 11:30 for some reason and because I woke up at 11:30, I couldn't eat because I can't eat after midnight for blood tests and because I'm doing them at 7 (hopefully, depends on how many people I have to battle to get seen) I kind of figured that I probably shouldn't eat at 11:30pm. Fasting is lame... I'm young with a healthy appetite dammit I need food to sustain myself, I barely ate yesterday and if I don't eat before getting blood drawn I have a tendency to pass out. What's up this sucks.
My insomniac friend James just showed up to keep me company. Gotta go. Thanks for all your comments on my last entry. You're all really awesome. : )
Dude ok today was really weird and I've finally discovered why the self-esteem of young woman is so low. Now right away I'm gonna get something straight I have curves but I am in no way a big girl, I'm 5'3" 124lbs (clothed) and I have a fair amount of muscle. I'm a healthy weight I have a healthy figure. I'm a vegetarian, I love working out and I'm proud of my body because I think it's beautiful. Well today I went shopping for pants and slowly got more and more depressed and insecure about my image.. I suddenly felt like a balloon, like I had become fat and was completely embarassed because well ... I felt fat.
Now on all logical levels thats not true with the amount of muscle I have I'm a completely healthy weight but for some reason trying on clothes made me feel like shit about myself and I couldn't snap myself out of it. I don't even think it was fair for me to think that way I mean seriously.. I'm tan (right now), naturally dark blonde with light blonde highlights, I'm pretty well built, I have love handles and a slight stomach but am still skinny and you can still see outlines of my bone structure (hip bones, etc.), I have a good chest, not large but not small and I definately have a back. I don't know.. anyway it made no sense and I think it sucks that something as simple as shopping for pants can make me feel like shit about myself because that's really not cool and shit shouldn't be that way. Granted I am sort of shy and self-conscious but overall I like and respect myself so I really just think that this is bullshit. It's probably a reflection on my own self perception if something this simple can make me feel crappy but at the same time it's a reflection on society as well because I'm a product of a consumer society and the fact that in two different stores in multiple sizes and brands I only found one pair of pants that didn't make me feel like I'm fat has to say something.
More little rants.. umm I'm hungry and bored and I can't drink anymore water. I'm getting blood drawn in about 5 and a half hours so I can't eat and I slept through dinner so I'm starving and can't do shit about it. I slept from like 7 to 11:30 for some reason and because I woke up at 11:30, I couldn't eat because I can't eat after midnight for blood tests and because I'm doing them at 7 (hopefully, depends on how many people I have to battle to get seen) I kind of figured that I probably shouldn't eat at 11:30pm. Fasting is lame... I'm young with a healthy appetite dammit I need food to sustain myself, I barely ate yesterday and if I don't eat before getting blood drawn I have a tendency to pass out. What's up this sucks.
My insomniac friend James just showed up to keep me company. Gotta go. Thanks for all your comments on my last entry. You're all really awesome. : )
clothes are overrated anyway
that sucks about not being able to eat.. ill have a pudding cup for you
be well
[Edited on Aug 12, 2004 3:08AM]