I had Coffe and pie with my ex-sister-in-law today. We can talk about almost anything but we do keep some distance from one subject. Her sister.
It is maybe the first time I really could explain to anyone what I experienced emotionally a few months ago. When a girl I dated got pregnant. She knew about the pregnancy but now I told her what went on in my life at that time.
It is hard to explain but I was happy, excited, nervous, but had to hide all those emotions away. Since the girl was freaked out by the situation I went in to a supportive role ensuring her that anything she decided was right. So there I was. I had to listen. She told me about all the things she had to give up. She had to give up her DJ-career. (That was tragically true in the sense another female DJ didn't get to work anymore after getting a child. I might discuss that further on another occasion. About equality between sexes.) She had to give up her modeling, which I know isn't really true. One thing she told me in this rave of emotions and opinions was that she couldn't go to Sweden Rock anymore and get reeeaaally drunk there... Eh? What can I say, she have had a rough time and sort of lived her life for Sweden Rock festival. This I could manage.
But I couldn't manage my own feelings. Because I had at that moment very few friends to talk to. And every time I talked to her and my tongue slipped in a way that I showed enthusiasm about a baby, for example, then she got mad at me. She made clear that I could say such things, and be happy, when she had decided to keep the baby and when she was ok with the situation. So I hide my own emotions away as well as I could, hoping that I could let them out later on.
How should I put this. Life has a way of screwing you, hard and all night long, without lubricant. She actually came to accept the situation and looking forward to have a baby. She told me. After the miscarriage.
I was an emotional piata and that was the stroke that had candy flying all over the place. All those really positive feelings I had kept inside came out as pain. Maybe it was at that moment our relationship died.
I don't want to think so, but it would explain some of the shit I've been trough with this girl until two weeks ago. Anyhow, I don't think I want to have a relationship for a while even if I have a lot of need for tenderness, since she have been giving me the cold shoulder more or less since March.
This is more than my ex-sister-in-law was told. She know I have had some bad luck with women, after all, I was married to her sister for a decade.
It is maybe the first time I really could explain to anyone what I experienced emotionally a few months ago. When a girl I dated got pregnant. She knew about the pregnancy but now I told her what went on in my life at that time.
It is hard to explain but I was happy, excited, nervous, but had to hide all those emotions away. Since the girl was freaked out by the situation I went in to a supportive role ensuring her that anything she decided was right. So there I was. I had to listen. She told me about all the things she had to give up. She had to give up her DJ-career. (That was tragically true in the sense another female DJ didn't get to work anymore after getting a child. I might discuss that further on another occasion. About equality between sexes.) She had to give up her modeling, which I know isn't really true. One thing she told me in this rave of emotions and opinions was that she couldn't go to Sweden Rock anymore and get reeeaaally drunk there... Eh? What can I say, she have had a rough time and sort of lived her life for Sweden Rock festival. This I could manage.
But I couldn't manage my own feelings. Because I had at that moment very few friends to talk to. And every time I talked to her and my tongue slipped in a way that I showed enthusiasm about a baby, for example, then she got mad at me. She made clear that I could say such things, and be happy, when she had decided to keep the baby and when she was ok with the situation. So I hide my own emotions away as well as I could, hoping that I could let them out later on.
How should I put this. Life has a way of screwing you, hard and all night long, without lubricant. She actually came to accept the situation and looking forward to have a baby. She told me. After the miscarriage.
I was an emotional piata and that was the stroke that had candy flying all over the place. All those really positive feelings I had kept inside came out as pain. Maybe it was at that moment our relationship died.
I don't want to think so, but it would explain some of the shit I've been trough with this girl until two weeks ago. Anyhow, I don't think I want to have a relationship for a while even if I have a lot of need for tenderness, since she have been giving me the cold shoulder more or less since March.
This is more than my ex-sister-in-law was told. She know I have had some bad luck with women, after all, I was married to her sister for a decade.