spent the day, or part of it wandering navy pier. went to white hen. there was a shelf of the new "rockstar" energy drinks. so i asked the clerk,they taste like ass and make you spew up your insides. so i purchased a few cans and headed to my thirsty kindred loitering on the sidewalk and passed out the drinks with a sly grin.
it was three of us, eight cans of the vile liquid that only seemed to regenerate after each sip. i swear mine was moving inside the can, swimming inside the cool alumiumn wrapper blinking at me through a viscous sea of tar and bile. but i had to do it. choked down about four gulps of his and was dry heaving on the sidewalk as his face turned ash white. i think he was having a seizure.meanwhile dave and i downed two cans a piece, i swear i felt my chest about to explode vibrating with each strangled breath wheezing out my collapsed lungs. if one was to give a flavor to dog food, stale sweet tarts, vinyl house siding, crumpled newspaper, and robitussin and strain all the offending odors, textures, and tastes into a can and put a huge fucking gleaming star on it like a sadistic christmas present more offensive than a sweater from aunt gertrude that reeked of moth balls, this was it.
after the third can i felt my life slipping away before my eyes, i grew dizzy, nauseous, irrate, virtually blind, deaf, and helen keller. i stumbled a few feet and lay on the warm concrete as i swore my appendix exploded. yet dave had managed to suck down another can, this one smelling more like car exhaust and the mens bathroom after a cubs game. so i had to do it. i took another one for the team and took about seven years off my life with the fatal gulp.the car ride home everyone was motionless, listless, impaled by the spike of pure arsenic that had seeped into my veins via energy drink injection. i hardly made it out of the car and up the path to my door when i promptly disgraced my neighbours bushes with a wash of colorless vomit about three times before i mad it in the house and fell into a coma on my couch.
it was three of us, eight cans of the vile liquid that only seemed to regenerate after each sip. i swear mine was moving inside the can, swimming inside the cool alumiumn wrapper blinking at me through a viscous sea of tar and bile. but i had to do it. choked down about four gulps of his and was dry heaving on the sidewalk as his face turned ash white. i think he was having a seizure.meanwhile dave and i downed two cans a piece, i swear i felt my chest about to explode vibrating with each strangled breath wheezing out my collapsed lungs. if one was to give a flavor to dog food, stale sweet tarts, vinyl house siding, crumpled newspaper, and robitussin and strain all the offending odors, textures, and tastes into a can and put a huge fucking gleaming star on it like a sadistic christmas present more offensive than a sweater from aunt gertrude that reeked of moth balls, this was it.
after the third can i felt my life slipping away before my eyes, i grew dizzy, nauseous, irrate, virtually blind, deaf, and helen keller. i stumbled a few feet and lay on the warm concrete as i swore my appendix exploded. yet dave had managed to suck down another can, this one smelling more like car exhaust and the mens bathroom after a cubs game. so i had to do it. i took another one for the team and took about seven years off my life with the fatal gulp.the car ride home everyone was motionless, listless, impaled by the spike of pure arsenic that had seeped into my veins via energy drink injection. i hardly made it out of the car and up the path to my door when i promptly disgraced my neighbours bushes with a wash of colorless vomit about three times before i mad it in the house and fell into a coma on my couch.