Friday Jul 01, 2005

0
Hey! So lets delve deeply into my sexual and all-around freakness.. shall we? Level one.. maybe this is two or three of five... hell maybe it's five.

So after months and months of self ..err.. growth and exploration.. finding out more about myself.. and finally "coming out" in all my crossdresser glory to the 'normal people' in my life (people who arent carnies who I know mainly through the playa, doesnt mean they're normal) and exploring my own sexuality and gender, I've foudn that I want to fuck with the concept of gender and all that even more than I thought I did.

And in all that, besides a myriad other things I want to try and help break down and do to change things, I'm seriously considering (okay I really really want) breast implants. Nothing audacious, just nice perky little Bs or maybe Cs if I have to.

Now I am not a patient person. I could save up and save up and in like three to five years, I'd have enough money to go.. this would probably be the wise course.. but I'm thinking, in a year or so, once I graduate and all, I'll have a little time to be cissile.. and I'm trying to think of how I can raise some money.. then I thought, hey, I could post and challenge on Craigslist or something like that as some sort of bet or oddity, and I'm sure I'd get the money together that way.

Two problems arise rom this, 1) it becomes something other than what I want it to be.. an expression of sexuality and a blurring of the 'two party system' that gender is seen as.. I would become 'that guy who went on craigslist to get tits.' That part I'm okay with. its the first half of problem one.. not so much. 2) how to phrase that? I know its enough of a freakish thing pretty much, but do you post it as a challenge? a bet? something like that?

I could also try and find some sort of club or something that I would offer myself as a performer or act or whatever to them if they'd pay for the surgery... but that it so so much less appealing to me.

I know my only real option is to wait and save up on my own.. but like I said.. i am not a patient person. So I posted this to get some advice.. from the like.. four people who read my journal.. but i want all i can get.
killedwithkarate:
Congratulations on coming to a big decision point in your life. I would suggest waiting to come up with the money yourself because settling into a less conventional gender identity is a very personal experience and I think that you'll eventually want it to be one hundred percent on your own terms. If someone can claim ownership, even in a tiny tiny portion of an aspect of your sexuality or even if people can identify it as something outside of simply you redefining gender (ie thinking of you as the dude who got breast implants from craigslist folks), you may regret having gone the fast route. Take your time, save up and once you're at a place in your life where you're able to afford them, you'll most likely really appreciate the fact that you waited and got your own breasts without any major help, making them completely independant.
rosscoe:
sounds like an important choice, well you want to be happy with who you are definately.

i do think that its a tough one though as a performer.

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