justashadow

Try to control me
but I'm too strong you see
I've got you thinkin that I feel no pain...

people tell me that these sorts of things get easier over time, but every day that passes I feel more and more like Mikey. no, not 'so fuckin money' just like shit. loney and alone, too much room in my bed, but not enough for me and my broken self. I keep hoping that the next time I wake up it will hurt less, but every time it seems to hurt more I start to not want to wake up. and I know that is a self defeating view, but I just need to find something to distract me from the searing pain I feel and the knot in my stomach that seems to grow ever larger with each passing breath. Its sad to say that the only time I don't have a difficult time holding myself together is when I'm not entirely substance free. I know that these are signs of addictions and dependencies, but what is so wrong with that? if its the only thing I have found until I find the next thing, I might as well go with what works right? if the only thing that extinguishes the pain is the burn of whiskey, why the fuck not go for the easy cure?

and on that note...
I need to go to the liquor store, im starting to sober up, and thats not going to be good for business
thats not going to be good for anybody
be well