jurasic

Today I visited officer Simich...Short visit really hung over...same old same old...are you clean??? Yes & proud of myself...I don't have to live in fear or be parinoid about piss tests...Spending time in the correction center was an event I'd like to not repeat...not to mention my kids need me on the outside...Anger Management...Ok...it's 24 sessions...I missed the last two...unexcused...I am possibly going to have to start over again...this is discouraging...Hillsburito once a week is a pain in the asshole...I am guessing that I was half way through this calss but not sure...which brings me to my visitation...I am trying to think twice & act once...I had a dream dream about my wife who left me over a year & a half ago...It's strange what dreams reveal & I'm having trouble understanding them...This one torments me...I finally get her back...& no longer want to be with her...I guess in a way I love her but I just want closure...I am sick of fighting & just want to love my kids...I want to be there everytime they fail & suceed...That's my purpose & my life really doesn't amount to much without them...They are my greatest accomplishment & i've made such a mess in there lives...I just really appreciate the love they give to me unconditionally...I mean every five seconds they say I love you daddy...It's like air & without it I would die...I didn't see them this evening for our two hour dinner...their mom called which caught me by surprise...she asked politly if she could keep them this evening...maybe I'm a sucker but I said ok...I just want to work with her I don't want to be an opsticle...Maybe we will grow up & be better parents someday...probably after the court stuff is over with...anyhow...tonight I am going to Embers & need to pick up a certain pal...She is the sort of person you can count on...I know she would rather get some rest but instead she is going to keep my head clear...

I owe you one*