you don't have to read this if you don't want to, but i'm typing it anyway 
i made my mother the most awesome christmas present that has ever been created by these two hands that are typing this journal.
it's a scrapbook type thing of her three children. there are two poems in there, one of them is broken up with one stanza on a few successive pages and pictures surrounding each section, and the other is all on one page, plus there are some motherly love quotes. i tried to group the pictures in categories. on one page, there's a set of photos of each of us going apple picking, and another page has a picture of each of us with our first dog Brandee, etc. the last page has the cutest pictures i could possibly find. i was damn cute when i was little.
i wish there were some way i could show everyone on here my masterpiece. to watch her open it will be more worth it than anything i could ever receive. i cannot wait until we exchange gifts later in the morning...
i love giving gifts to people. i so wish i had more money this year to give more people gifts. i hate that money's tight, hopefully it'll change once next semester starts and i get more cash-flow in from my refund check! woohoo for paying bills off finally!
wow i realize i haven't done a long entry in a while, huh? boys have been flirting with me like crazy lately and it's such a new feeling that i have inside me. if only the one i wanted weren't in california! damnit damnit damnit
it's nice to be home and not worry about getting back to school to attempt to get some homework done. before each new semester begins, i always vow that i'm going to kick ass in the coming semester and actually do my work. it's been 4 semesters so far and it hasn't happened yet. i'd say that for my resolution this year, i'm going to earn a 4.0... but i don't make new year's resoulutions. i try not to set goals. life simply happens and i don't like to disappoint myself. i used to strive for straight A's all the time and it just gets to a point of being so incredibly unrealistic that you have to change your goals. my goal is to survive, to live my life and take my time in discovering my calling. i do not define myself by being a student, i am there to better myself. people have so often told me that school should be the most important thing, and that all others should come after that. sorry, but right now, that doesn't work for me.
wouldn't it be cute if i said something like "end rant"? seems like that's what everyone says. like you need to excuse yourself from talking about your life in your own journal.
meh.
there is so much going on here in NH during the next month. my plans were to be back in Portland by tuesday, working straight through until next semester begins, but maybe i'll take some time off from work and enjoy myself by being around my family for a little while. i so do not miss anything about this town except for my mother, sister, and brother. just through tidbits of conversation with my mom in the past two days, i've caught up on enough gossip to last me a long while. i can't stand it here.
the other day, i met up with a kid i graduated with and he invited me to his house at some point during my brief visit. he lives with two other guys from my class, and they were part of the crew i always wanted to be involved with, but never felt good enough to. for some sad reason, it felt good to think he actually wanted to hang out with me. after thinking about it off and on for the past two days, i've realized that i shouldn't feel that great about it. they are no better than i am. they stayed home and took the easy route - get a job and stay with the people you've known your whole life. i've forged my own path, made my own connections in another world. i can't help but be proud of myself that i've come so far, and that i'm still away. i can never come back here to stay. i promised myself that a long time ago.
wow, i guess i had a lot to talk about. if you're reading this on christmas day, i'm sorry for taking up so much of your precious time. it's only one day out of the year and you shouldn't be spending it reading hour-long frickin' journals. i suppose that's not a bad thing, though, that today is only one day out of the year. i hate that i have to go see my father just because it's christmas. normally i can simply avoid him. i know i don't have to see him, but i am not ready to break his heart yet. he's broken mine many times, and each time i put it back together he only shatters the pieces into smaller bits. but he doesn't know he's doing it. i have tried to talk to him but he's so oblivious to life outside of his bubble. he hurts his three children a little more with each passing day, and he has no clue.
open your eyes, daddy
i never could sleep on christmas eve anyway...
p.s. holy fucking hell batman
i made my mother the most awesome christmas present that has ever been created by these two hands that are typing this journal.
it's a scrapbook type thing of her three children. there are two poems in there, one of them is broken up with one stanza on a few successive pages and pictures surrounding each section, and the other is all on one page, plus there are some motherly love quotes. i tried to group the pictures in categories. on one page, there's a set of photos of each of us going apple picking, and another page has a picture of each of us with our first dog Brandee, etc. the last page has the cutest pictures i could possibly find. i was damn cute when i was little.
i wish there were some way i could show everyone on here my masterpiece. to watch her open it will be more worth it than anything i could ever receive. i cannot wait until we exchange gifts later in the morning...
i love giving gifts to people. i so wish i had more money this year to give more people gifts. i hate that money's tight, hopefully it'll change once next semester starts and i get more cash-flow in from my refund check! woohoo for paying bills off finally!
wow i realize i haven't done a long entry in a while, huh? boys have been flirting with me like crazy lately and it's such a new feeling that i have inside me. if only the one i wanted weren't in california! damnit damnit damnit
it's nice to be home and not worry about getting back to school to attempt to get some homework done. before each new semester begins, i always vow that i'm going to kick ass in the coming semester and actually do my work. it's been 4 semesters so far and it hasn't happened yet. i'd say that for my resolution this year, i'm going to earn a 4.0... but i don't make new year's resoulutions. i try not to set goals. life simply happens and i don't like to disappoint myself. i used to strive for straight A's all the time and it just gets to a point of being so incredibly unrealistic that you have to change your goals. my goal is to survive, to live my life and take my time in discovering my calling. i do not define myself by being a student, i am there to better myself. people have so often told me that school should be the most important thing, and that all others should come after that. sorry, but right now, that doesn't work for me.
wouldn't it be cute if i said something like "end rant"? seems like that's what everyone says. like you need to excuse yourself from talking about your life in your own journal.
meh.
there is so much going on here in NH during the next month. my plans were to be back in Portland by tuesday, working straight through until next semester begins, but maybe i'll take some time off from work and enjoy myself by being around my family for a little while. i so do not miss anything about this town except for my mother, sister, and brother. just through tidbits of conversation with my mom in the past two days, i've caught up on enough gossip to last me a long while. i can't stand it here.
the other day, i met up with a kid i graduated with and he invited me to his house at some point during my brief visit. he lives with two other guys from my class, and they were part of the crew i always wanted to be involved with, but never felt good enough to. for some sad reason, it felt good to think he actually wanted to hang out with me. after thinking about it off and on for the past two days, i've realized that i shouldn't feel that great about it. they are no better than i am. they stayed home and took the easy route - get a job and stay with the people you've known your whole life. i've forged my own path, made my own connections in another world. i can't help but be proud of myself that i've come so far, and that i'm still away. i can never come back here to stay. i promised myself that a long time ago.
wow, i guess i had a lot to talk about. if you're reading this on christmas day, i'm sorry for taking up so much of your precious time. it's only one day out of the year and you shouldn't be spending it reading hour-long frickin' journals. i suppose that's not a bad thing, though, that today is only one day out of the year. i hate that i have to go see my father just because it's christmas. normally i can simply avoid him. i know i don't have to see him, but i am not ready to break his heart yet. he's broken mine many times, and each time i put it back together he only shatters the pieces into smaller bits. but he doesn't know he's doing it. i have tried to talk to him but he's so oblivious to life outside of his bubble. he hurts his three children a little more with each passing day, and he has no clue.
open your eyes, daddy
i never could sleep on christmas eve anyway...
p.s. holy fucking hell batman
chezgeek:
too bad she wasnt in the last batman movie.... holy hell indeed