junecleavage

I feel like I have failed myself when it comes to the fulfillment of a lot of my dreams. I can look back and say I certainly tried to accomplish everything I swore I would one day. But in many cases I didnt try hard enough or want it enough to make it come to fruition.
But I can say this. I am successful at being a mother I am a good mother. I am committed to that role. In any case I know I love my kids and would do anything to make them happy and sure that they know how loved they are.
So crazy saying they and kids plural - I cannot believe I now have a son.
So why the fuck am I still so hard?!? Or hardened to use a more appropriate term. I push everyone. I am so unwilling to break it down just a little. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I have been so let down by so many people I just shut it all down so long ago that I cannot seem to open it back up. Or is it that my expectations or just so god-damned high that no one could possibly be expected to live up to them? I tend to believe it lies somewhere in the middle. And what of these expectations? Do I live by this same code I perpetuate? Am I true to my word? Do I let my yes be yes and my no be no? Fuck no!
This would lend credence to the hypocrisy I practice that has recently come to light.
Damn I hate friggin hypocrisy.
I am going to have to figure out how to shake that shit.
So in light of all this minor stream of consciousness (hell a little self reflection never hurts now and then) I am going to see if there is some sort of OTC hypocrisy cream I can purchase to rub this nasty bugger out.
(Huh huh you said rub it out huh huh)
(Its never a bad idea to mimic Beavis and Butthead)
(Ever)