junebug55

I've written about this before, but the issues are becoming more poignant and pressing as the days pass, and the time nears when the whole drewtube and vicarious living project come together. I think part of me has always rejected my artistic/creative side out of fear of judgment, a lack of faith in my ability, all of the things that anyone putting themselves out there fears. Perhaps the biggest fear I have is grappling with the more than daily confrontations with myself and my ego. I really despise egotistical people, and I'm scared that embracing the idea that I have something 1000's of people might want to participate in will somehow corrupt who I am and what I do. I'm trying to build safe guards into the V.L.P. to not allow that kind of focus, but at the same time, sharing myself with the world every day through my stories, fotos and video will require some sort of necessary embracing of my ego, or I will crumble, as I am on the edge of running away right now. Also, it will require a necessary narcissism that I'm not quite comfortable with. I just want this to work, so I guess I should just put my head down and keep pushing, and whatever outcome, at least maybe I'll have a couple of months of writing practice, which is a whole other issue. My writing style is highly unpolished, as are my fotos and my video. I am seriously low-fi. I'm hoping as immersion is the best way to learn a language that jumping in to this will be the best way for me to work on my writing, and that my skill will grow throughout the project, but I have a terrible habit of publishing before I read what I have just written, in fear that the aforementioned emotions and ego issues will grab hold before I can hit send, so here it goes, one more babble of nonsense that I hope no one reads, sort of.
I love flowers, and scattered red huckleberries in the woods that are so few and far between that they remain a treat.