Wake up drowning in tears.
I couldn't stop crying, I was half asleep and I didn't even know the real reason I was crying. It might have been because I am getting sick again, and I can't seem to stay healthy at all. I see the doctor too much and nothing gets better. I felt hot and cold and my throat hurts.
It could have been because I ate too much and I'm so afraid of gaining weight. I'm terrified of it, if I gain anymore weight I will hate myself. I need to lose another 15 lbs. I wont stop crying until I do. I wont feel good enough until I do. And 15 is a lot. Its a lot of work. Its almost too much at this point and it hurts.
And I know I was crying because I am alone. You only get over this shit if you have support. My support is gone or far. I dont have comfort or arms. I dont have the warmth of another person's care. I have my own self doubt and hatred and this social isolation, even in a crowded show or party. I'm just...alone.
I can hardly swallow without my chest hurting. That heavy deep depression, on the verge of tears at every moment. This is a chronic illness. I'm fighting it alone, I'm losing it alone.
I couldn't stop crying, I was half asleep and I didn't even know the real reason I was crying. It might have been because I am getting sick again, and I can't seem to stay healthy at all. I see the doctor too much and nothing gets better. I felt hot and cold and my throat hurts.
It could have been because I ate too much and I'm so afraid of gaining weight. I'm terrified of it, if I gain anymore weight I will hate myself. I need to lose another 15 lbs. I wont stop crying until I do. I wont feel good enough until I do. And 15 is a lot. Its a lot of work. Its almost too much at this point and it hurts.
And I know I was crying because I am alone. You only get over this shit if you have support. My support is gone or far. I dont have comfort or arms. I dont have the warmth of another person's care. I have my own self doubt and hatred and this social isolation, even in a crowded show or party. I'm just...alone.
I can hardly swallow without my chest hurting. That heavy deep depression, on the verge of tears at every moment. This is a chronic illness. I'm fighting it alone, I'm losing it alone.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
awe man. i know how you feel all too well. im sorry you are physically sick.. i am too, and a lot of it comes from my emotional unstable life.. if it's not one thing it's another.. i have a bf and everything that supposed to feel like im not alone but i always do. this isn't a feeling im not used to though. i have felt this way my whole life. i can be surrounded by people and still feel alone..
its really upsetting and it drains you physically, emotionally, mentally... every way possible.
All i can say is do the best you can for yourself... i KNOW its so hard xxxxxxx (big hugs)
what also doesn't help at least in my situation is that i dont have friends. i have family and stuff but not like girlfriends or anything :/
and weight yeah... i am not happy with my body at all. the last few years i gained some weight like, seriously out of the blue and i dunno why..and no matter what i do i can't get rid of it... again.. emotional shit...
Remember the world is huge and there ARE a lot of us that feel the same as you and hell, even thinking the same at the same time as you
Boooo