julesdoll

The doctor told me I have Tic douloureux Trigeminal Neuralgia.
It hurts very badly, like a shock to the head. During the night its the worst. All I can do is whimper and cry. I dont know why I end up with all this shit. It isn't fair. I'm already dealing with a shitty unstable living condition, poverty, mental illness, and now this. I just don't know why.
The pain is unbearable and now I have to take even more medication. And now I cant drive and I just sit here in the house fearing another godsplitter headache. And when they hit I cry so loud I'm sure the neighbors in this apartment wonder wtf is happening.
There is just too much, I havent done any art lately because of all of this shit. And the closest friend I made in Spokane moved away already. He is so fucking rad and I miss him a lot. It would have helped if I'd at least had a friend close to get me through this, just some support.
But of course I'm alone through it all. And I do want to give up because the pain and suffering just adds up, no matter what people say how much strangers may care, they dont understand the pain I'm feeling now.
So I look in the mirror lately and I dont know her, she is tired and tear stained. She cannot smile and her hair is a mess that cannot be maintained, she never looks quite clean or complete anymore. There is just pain and dilated pupils. Just a shell of who she wanted to be, of who she ever was.
Its surreal. It gets more surreal. I dont know what to do but just waste my time because I'm fearing that pain and I cant even drive to do anything. I need help, but Im alone. And now there really is no hope...