julesdoll

Maybe I'm too mental, or maybe I just have rotten luck.
Sometimes I expect good things to happen, then they don't.
Bad things happen to me. I don't want to accept that, but its just true.
I get the shitty end of every game people play.
It's like I'm the girl everyone ends up fucking over.
I've said it before, I need to rip out my own heart so no one else can.
Sometimes I don't know what friendship is anymore.
My friends often leave me or treat me like shit and expect me to not care.
But they aren't bad people, they only do this to me.
I'm a rather loyal friend to have, and I know how to have fun too. So I don't understand.

So I'm starting to believe every time someone is nice to me, they are going to fuck me over.
They are going to use me, break me. Whatever. At least I have something...just for that moment.
I'm wasting my tears on this shit.
When I should cry about losing my home and having no where to go.
But my loneliness and rejection just hurt. And its a big part of why I hurt myself.

How do you even change these things?

I'm just cursed with the worst luck.
And cursed with a infinitely broken heart.

I'm trying so fucking hard to smile. I'm just smoking my weed,cleaning my room,painting. Doing everything alone still and trying so hard to just accept that I will always be a loner.