juebi

So my Dad is worthless. What else can I say? The funny thing is, I'm supposed to be over this by now. I am 28 yras old after all. It would be a hell of alot easier to get over however if I could just be left alone. The sad thing is, how is it that I have always had to be the one to be the adult? I'm not sure what has happened, but it seems everyone's parents have gone insane in the last 20 years or so. Has it always been this way? I mean, did families just stay together before because it was looked down upon to get divorced? I don't think so. Hell, I would rather my parents be divorced, there is no way I could have lived in the same house as that man when I was growing up without one of us ending up dead. How to you just become such a piece of shit to someone simply because you aren't what they had hoped you would be? I don't even understand how I got here in the first place, because how this man and my mother ever found any common ground is beyond me. She is the most open-minded, loving person I have ever met in my life, and he is a self-centered, immature racist idiot. I often thought as a kid growing up that I should just have pretended to be gay, and then he would have left me alone for sure. I sometimes still think that would be a great idea, but my girlfriend and I have been together too long for that to work. Plus I think I would feel like I was somehow "exploiting" homosexuals if I was to pretend to be one just to piss someone else off, so that's no good. I know from the experience of losing a good friend, that life is just way too damn short to hate. So I try to be his son, and stay in touch, but I am growing tired of always opening myself up to be shit on. The same thing happened with my ex-wife, trying to be a good husband to a girl who had major clinical problems, and putting up with her issues and just trying to be a good husband, just to be shit on. I know everyone has their problems, and I feel like a big whinner writing this, but sometimes it's just nice to get it out and get over it, and although I have some great listeners around me, I just hate to burden people with my crap when I know everyone has plenty of their own to deal with. I don't think anyone really reads my journal anyway, so it's a nice place to vent from time to time. If you are reading this, sorry, just a bad day!