judypatricia

The problem with the internet is that you can't really convey your tone all the time. Right now, I sound like I might be angry, when I'm not. There's no finger-pointing, no bitterness, no paranoia. There is hurt, though, and there is disappointment; I'm hardly able to blame anyone for all that, however. Things just happen.

I might sound like I've lost it entirely for a little while, just to give you warning. But if you see me apartment-hunting in California, don't think I'm nuts.

I have no idea when stuff changed. I know I only wanted him and that he made others seem unappealing. I don't think I've been in love with someone so much before, and not in the if-I-can't-have-you-no-one-can type of way, but in a pretty sincere, content one. That's really all there is. I don't need him, and I never did, but I sure do want him around.

I know Me well enough to say that I'll go through some kind of self-deprecating thing, but that won't last. I don't even know when to expect it. Maybe in a couple days.

The part that I don't want to go through, really, is taking down a love-note he left me the end of last year that I've since taped to my desk; and having to inform everyone and say it like it happened years ago, like it doesn't sound wrong. I can only ignore everybody for a few days, if that's what I think I'll need to do, but then I'll have to start talking sooner or later.

I wonder what being over him will feel like, and if it will be less than all the other I'm Over Hims previously accomplished.

This is really soon, but I can't keep anything to myself as it is. Whether you like that, or I like that, about me doesn't apply.

Dramatics aside, this is a whole new, unfamiliar pain. It's big, how much I'm going to miss you.

I can't say enough how all I am is sad, not angry, not resentful. A little heartbreak's good for you, after all.